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Fiancee Won’t Have Sex With Me

She didn’t like my hair cut.

Read this letter from Samson and see if you think he should fish or cut bait on his fiancee.

Dear Susan,

I think my fiancee has gone off me.

We haven’t had sex since Valentine’s Day nite. (10 months ago.)

I don’t know what to do anymore because she said a few things to me in March that upset me. It felt like my heart was breaking when my fiancee said, “I wouldn’t have sex with you.” “I don’t fancy you as much as I used to.”

And it was all because she didn’t like my hair cut. I had a shaved head all my life but she hates it.

So that’s why she said those things to me that made me feel like crap.

I felt my heart breaking. I’ve told her how I feel and she says I’m being silly.

If I ask for sex or hint for sex she says, “I can’t be bothered, or I’m to tired, or maybe another day,” so I don’t bother her anymore.

She always says. “It’s not just about sex you know.”

But it would be nice to have some sex. LOL

Please give me some advice.


Dear Samson, (scroll down to read my advice)


You have every reason to be frustrated and I’m glad you wrote to me.

You’ve been very patient waiting for your fiancee to warm up to you.

Welcome to a fork in the road. There are two paths you can take.

Right off the bat I’d suggest you break off the engagement with kindness and move on. A woman that callous and dismissive of your emotional and sexual needs is a very bad choice for a wife.

A hair cut is no reason not to like a man, especially since it’s the cut you’ve had all along.

Obviously your fiancee feels you are not meeting her needs and she is clearly not meeting yours.

Since you’ve been festering about this for months, I’m going to assume you are not a guy who likes to get into an emotional discussion. And with the way she ignores your feelings, I doubt it would be a productive meeting.

Frankly, she needs a good spanking, some humility and compassion. I don’t have a lot to go on, but she sounds like she’s been raised in an emotionally mean environment and is herself very childish and thoughtless.

You can try to sit her down and find out what it would take for you to make her kind and sweet to you. And to see if she would be willing to commit to working on having a plentiful, passionate sexual life with you. You can explain that men need to have sex every week or so or they get miserable and feel unloved. It’s truly biological. Your sexual needs are completely justified. It is not at all silly to ask for sex.

Sexual intimacy is the glue that binds a couple through the travails of life. Without it you are doomed from the start of your relationship.

I am worried that she will talk circles around you and there will be no forward momentum… but you can TRY.

If she’s your fiancee and she hasn’t had sex with you in 10 months it is only going to get WORSE. If you stay with her, if you marry her, you will live in a sexless marriage. Get out NOW while you can.

Try online dating, Samson. There are many women out there just dying to be hugged, appreciate and made love to by a kind and solid man. Just write yourself a very straightforward ad with who you are, what you offer and what you want. Put 3-5 pictures of yourself in your profile — one or two with friends, one with family, one with an animal (dog, cat), one in an outdoorsy setting. Make sure the pictures include some of your whole body and others are close ups of just your head and shoulders. Include three things you love to do and 3-5 things you love about women. If you want to be married, make sure you say that in your ad. Be very specific and clear.

Then go on some dates and just enjoy yourself. Get to know other women. Do this after you’ve made a clean break with your fiancee.

Bust yourself out of this hell before it’s too late.

If you want to speak to one of our sex, love and intimacy coaches before you have “the talk” with your fiancee, you can sign up here. They can hold your hand through the conversation and help you navigate the rekindling or break up.

You have only one life to live. Don’t compromise yourself or your god-given right to pleasure and intimacy with a loving woman.

Please let me know how things turn out.

With Kind Compassion,

4 Responses

  1. Hy. My husb cn take a month so wthout lov making. Perhaps its bcoz he’s buzniz man wth 2 biznz operating. We hv lots of fmly probs. I like sex so much n cnt wait 2 b sexed up by my own husb as a christian wife. I cnt allow sexual activities frm outside marriage. I really fear de Lord. I cnt wait 4 ur advice.
    Im a christian wife who submits 2 her husb. I like 2 gv spiced 2 r marrage by gv diff sex activities including blou job.

    1. From your question I believe you are asking how you can get your husband to have more frequent sex with you. Is that correct? If so, ask him. Tell him every time you want to have sex so he understands your sexual appetite. He should increase his efforts with your increased communication. If he doesn’t, ask him why.

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