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Too Stressed To Make Love?

How to relax and arouse her. Stress is the #1 reason women can’t relax enough to want to make love.


And it’s challenging to get your lady to chill out if she thinks you are trying to GET sex.

The last thing a busy woman needs is another thing to DO on her list.

It’s best if you have an Expanded Orgasm practice so that you can offer her as many orgasms as she’d like without requiring her to reciprocate in any way. Because once you fill her up orgasmically she will be much more inclined to want to go further with lovemaking. But it’s imperative to REMOVE pressure on her and just fill her cup with love until it runs over and comes back to you sexually.

Giving her a DO Date (deliberate orgasm stroking session as taught in Expand Her Orgasm Tonight) will get her to slow down and be in her sensual body.

But if you are still trying to get her to relax and let you pleasure her, start with these ideas below before you introduce an Expanded Orgasm practice together.


Begin to relax and prepare her for the near future when she will by lying in front of you coming over and over again in a pure blissed out trance state from Expanded Orgasms.

The three things you can do are:

1. Breathing her.
2. Grounding her.
3. Mitigating her stressors.

It is fun and easy to relax your woman and get her in her body and wanting to be sensual with you.

Knowing how to calm her nervous system with these 3 Relaxers is your first step to giving her exquisite orgasms. Don’t skip ahead. Master this first. She will be putty in your arms.

Breathing Her

Hold her in your arms (on the sofa, in bed, or even standing up) and ask her to follow your breathing. Put your hand on her heart and her hand on your heart. Look into her eyes for a minute and really connect with her as a beautiful woman you truly love. Let her see that love flowing from your eyes.

Then ask her to just follow your breath. Breath deeply and evenly but not as deeply or as long as you usually do, because her lungs are smaller. Find a breath pattern that slows her breathing down, even if it feels a little shallow for your big man lungs.

It takes practice, but soon you can establish a rhythm that gets her very relaxed in your arms.

Grounding Her

This is where you are going to put your hands on her and calm her. Imagine she’s a scared little bird. How would you hold her? How would you stroke her to let her know she’s safe and everything is going to be OK?

Would you use long, luxurious strokes down her arms, on her back, down her thighs? Keep it non-sexual but grounding to the earth and your heartbeat.

Even try The Best Hug In The World with her.

When she’s calm, you can begin step #3.

Mitigating Her Stressors

For most people, we get worked up over all of our impending action items and responsibilities, but in actual fact, we can totally handle them all. For women especially, it’s good to be able to “talk it out” with a sympathetic partner.

Ask your lady to describe what she’s stressed about. Ask her specifically what she fears might happen. Then ask her to rate the likelihood of this worst case scenario actually happening. And if it did happen, what actions would she take? And is there anything you could do to support her?
If she’s really struggling, ask her what she would tell a friend who was in her situation. That’s a better method for offering her a solution than trying to fix it yourself. (This line of questions is called Socratic Questioning and I’ve noted the complete line of questioning below for your further enlightenment.)

Once she’s had a chance to air her stresses, especially as you are holding her, she’ll likely calm way down.

If you do this breathing, grounding and stress relief conversation with her repeatedly without trying to get sex, she will start to come to you to relax.

Once she knows she can relax in your arms without getting an action item of having to have sex with you added to your list, you can approach the subject of giving her sensual massages to relieve her stress.

The Expanded Orgasm practice is essentially a model for giving sensual massages that holds a woman in an orgasmic state for as much as 30 minutes.

When you give a woman this level of orgasmic release, her sexual desires for you naturally build.

This way you can be her safe container as well as the man she wants to make love to her.

It takes patience, but you can do this. It will make you feel like a real stud. . . Like a mature man. . . The kind of man that can hold his woman completely.

And that’s the kind of man a woman wants to be her lover.

Post your questions about this three step process below.

Go In Grace,

Using Socratic Questioning To Manage Fear

1. Describe the situation that you are worried about.
2. What do you specifically fear might happen?
3. Rate the likelihood that this will happen from 0-100%
4. What evidence supports your worrying thoughts?
5. What evidence does not support them?
6. If it did happen, what actions would you take?
7. Realistically, what is the worst thing that can happen?
8. What is the best thing that can happen?
9. Are there any useful actions you can take now?
10. What would you tell a friend who was in your situation?
11. Realistically, re-rate the likelihood that your fears will be realized from 0-100%

3 Responses

  1. I will give this method a realistic try since nothing has made her to really want me in the past 10 years and I have no options other than divorcing her and finding someone who appreciates me and loves me. I’m reaching out for help please

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