How to cultivate your sexual potential and have more erotic experiences as a woman.
You only have one life to live.
Every day that you miss the opportunity to be close to a lover is a squandered moment of one of life’s most extraordinary pleasures.
Here are five fundamental pieces of knowledge that will increase your feminine sexual potential:
- Get over body issues and cultural shame.
- Train your lover to appreciate all of your feedback.
- Notice what you want and ask for it.
- Manage your boundaries.
- Appreciate your progress.
Single or In Relationship?
If you have a husband or boyfriend, you can get started today. Turn over a new leaf and forgive and forget any past experiences you’ve had. I’m giving you an official “do over” with your man.If you do not have a boyfriend now, start looking immediately for a guy (or woman, if you are gay) who turns you on. Don’t worry about their job, how much money they have, what kind of car they drive, their political persuasions — find a lover who physically turns you on and see if they would be willing to have a purely sexual relationship with you. Give yourselves this gift of attraction. Don’t expect them to fulfill all your needs. If they are HOT and make your panties wet and they are intelligent enough to find your bedroom door and they have integrity, that’s enough. Get a relationship based purely on lust to practice with.
Then work these five concepts to cultivate your sexual potential. You can always use what you learn on your future ideal lover. The idea now is to get more experience.
Get over body issues and cultural shame.
99% of women are ashamed of their sexual desire or how they look naked. Our culture, our family, religious beliefs and advertising make us feel unattractive, imperfect and ashamed. Do whatever you need to do to push every single limiting thought out of your head as it occurs and replace it with a positive affirmation. It’s just programming. You are beautiful no matter what you look like. And every day you deny yourself pleasure because of what you think other’s would say or how you think you look is self-defeating and shackles you in negativity.
Find workarounds to your issues. Turn down the lights. Wear lingerie that covers the parts you don’t like. Take better care of your body. Know that in this moment you are as young as you’ll ever be. Don’t wait for perfection. It never comes. Perfection is allowing yourself to love your imperfections and getting intimate with another human being who adores you.
Finally, men are not that picky. Women are our own worst enemies about our bodies and our sexual desires. Men want you to show your desire. Men want to see you nude and they love you for exactly who you are. Men love women who are sexually confident without hang ups.
Just let it go. Let go of your worries. Focus on connecting intimately with your lover. Surrender to your co-created pleasure. This is what fulfills and nurtures us as human beings.
It’s literally THAT easy.
Train your lover to appreciate all of your feedback.
Many men have fragile egos. We all do. Yet, what men want most is to do an outstanding job pleasuring you. And if you “correct” them, they can get apologetic or even upset. So you don’t get to give them feedback that can help them become the lover that gets you coming for hours.
Try this. Tell your guy you want to be able to give him tons of feedback without using any manners. You just want the freedom to blurt out anything in the heat of the moment and all you want them to do is say, “thanks” or “OK.” No apologizing from either of you. Ask your guy to simply and gracefully accept your feedback so you don’t have to stop, think of a polite way to express yourself and then deal with upset from your feedback.
If he wants you to surrender to your raw lust with him you can’t be pussy footing around with manners.
Make him eager for feedback. Show him how awesome it is when you tell him what you like and he does it. And watch how this ability to be real and in the moment accelerates your pleasure because you are being honest.
If you want a really good model for this, our Seduction Trilogy contains The Four Keys To Seduction. The Four Keys To Seduction shows you both how to create a lot more ways to be intimate and affectionate beyond just intercourse (and increases the total amount of much better intercourse you have). And the Seduction Trilogy also includes Her Sexual Trainer, an audiobook (+eBook) that shows you how to train each other to be the hottest lovers you’ve ever had.
Notice what you want and ask for it.
For you to increase the amount of pleasure and joy you get from sex, you must actively ask yourself what you desire. You are maturing sexually throughout your life. People start with the fundamentals — intercourse, oral sex — and then begin to learn the nuances of becoming an extraordinary lover. Having an Expanded Orgasm practice, or being able to ejaculate if you’re a woman or to have multiple orgasms as a man, these are more advanced skills. Over time you might begin to enjoy things that formerly you would have had an aversion to.
Getting better at having sex requires that you both give your lover feedback and that you query your own internal desires and communicate them to your lover. Developing a level of trust by being honest with each other drives your intimacy even deeper to each other.
The next time you make love, try this. Ask for everything you want. And have your partner do the same. See how much more exciting it is when you make the commitment to ask. Afraid you might be asked to do something you don’t want? Here’s the fourth part of nurturing your sexual coming-of-age. . .
Manage your boundaries.
There are things that you simply do not like. Now, over time, you may choose to want them, but right now you don’t. That could be ANYTHING.
You don’t like your hair messed up during lovemaking. A few years later you get into hair pulling a bit.
You don’t want your makeup smeared. The next thing you know you are so comfortable with yourself you’re making love together in the shower.
You don’t want anything near your anus, EVER! Then you find that you love a lubed finger resting up inside while you use your vibrator on yourself.
Your tastes and needs are continuously evolving. Every time you make love you are in a different mood and want different experiences.
If you are comfortable saying exactly what you need each time, you can create exactly the experience that brings you the most pleasure. Communicating what your boundaries are each time you make love is a perfectly reasonable way to let your lover know what would pleasure you most. And that’s what he wants to do. Which brings me to the 5th fundamental concept that will support your sexual maturation.
Appreciate your progress.
Like any endeavor, experience makes it better. The more you make love, the better it gets. And the greatest thing about sex it that it just keeps getting better. You can be a greedy pig sexually and the pleasure will continue to expand.
Take time to notice your own progress. Things you can do now that you couldn’t do before. Additional skills you’ve learned. . . The quality of your experience continuing to increase. . .
Share these observations with your lover. This kind of pillow talk is both intimate and empowering for you both.
People don’t really get GOOD at sex until their 50s or 60s and you can have a hot sex life until the day you pass on.
Sex is one of the most nurturing and healthy experiences you can have. So notice yourself becoming more confident and orgasmic as you move toward co-created bliss together.
Hay Susan, I love all your advice given. My problem is this, I’m a 64 year old female, who is very sexual active with my lover, but there is a problem, I have never had an orgasmic experience, unless it is doing oral sex, and (there is a problem with that, you see, just before I break I get this really BAD headache before my juice flows, that is so bad that I can’t move and it feel like I am going to stroke out, which make me really afraid).I don’t think that I have ever, ever had that experience in my life, is there something wrong with me? can I find a was to ever have that thru sexual intercourse? please help me, tell me how to fix this,
I’m glad you are still pursuing your pleasure, girlfriend.
The stroke out thing is likely because you’re tensing up to come and elevating your blood pressure.
Instead of squeezing and trying to use pressure to come, think about your Yoni as a flower that blossoms.
Keep opening, breathing deeply and spreading your breath to your fingertips and toes. Open. Open. Breathe.
Also, try giving yourself a massage or use a vibrator very LIGHTLY all over your vulva, not just on your clitoris, as you practice the breathing and opening.
Read this Pussy Ninja article Sloane wrote for more details about what to do to get yourself out of that headache issue.
The other reason why you may not be coming from intercourse is that your guy is trying to DO you, rather than BE with you.
Watch this free Workshop I did with Jim Benson. “Thrust Technique Triggers Her Vaginal Orgasms”
Circle back here and let me know how things worked out for you.
Great article. Amazing website. Really helpful. Nothing on line comes close to what you are doing here on PLM Susan. Please keep it going.
hy my sweet honey everithing good with you???you lucking so fine..my god en sexy!!!!!!mmm..xxxx
susan I love you
I just read all that you said in these do’s and donts.
I am in a relationship and my girlfriend will never live and let go of NOTHING at all. I mean she holds things against me from her relationships before me. Yet she always tells me to live and let live, or preaches to me about forgiving her when she makes a mistake, but forgiveness is not in her vocabulary when it comes to any man.
So what do I do?? I do really care for her, but I can’t keep this up for ever. She will listen to her friends both (male and female) just not me. Is there a way that you can help me in this matter???
I’m imagining that you are dealing with two things here. #1) Your girlfriend has some past experiences and limiting beliefs that are holding her back from forgiving you as a man for anything she perceives you’ve done wrong. For example, her mother might have had trouble trusting men and that has influenced her. Just and example, but there is likely something there you need to probe into with her. #2) Bringing her awareness to this “double standard” you feel will go a long way in helping her realize everyone makes mistakes and that you truly love her and don’t want to hurt her. Find a way through talking with her to be able to safely make her aware when you feel this is happening. Stay with the conversation until she accepts your apology or understand any intentions you had that she misinterpreted. If she stonewalls you or screams at you like a child, just keep bringing her awareness to this behavior in a rational way.
Hiding from her double standard will rot out your relationship. So you must help her get to the point where she learns how to forgive and forget. Those are the keywords here. FORGIVE AND FORGET. Life is too short for you to walk on eggshells, for her to drive successive men away and end up alone because of an unchecked awareness of her limiting beliefs. Be the man that helps her see how her behavior is making her life worse instead of better. This behavior is a mechanism for protecting herself. She’s afraid. How can you make her feel safe, loved and secure?
I hope this helps. Please say with this until you two get it resolved or it will ultimately destroy her and your relationship with her. Thanks for asking. Let us know how you do.
As a lady, I have to say I’m so stoked about your women’s list! 😀
I’m so happy to hear this! We are truly excited to be at the stage of our company where we can now support both men’s and women’s sexual empowerment. Please reply with anything that is currently holding you back or something you desire that you are not getting. We love to hear from our women.
For me, i am interested in ways to cultivate and increase my sexuality – libido, arousal, orgasmic potential. I was on hormonal birth control for almost ten years and it killed my sexuality to the point that i thought i was asexual. I’ve been off bc for two years and things are slowly developing, but I would like to nurture and strengthen my sexuality.
ineed to discuss with on so please can u help me out