Read this post about “Reporting In From My Animal“ ⇐ (Click Here FIRST) to lay the foundation for understanding this additional technique, “Two Option Leading:”
Cultivating a safe feedback loop between you and your lover is a critical communication skill that allows you to keep improving your emotional and physical satisfaction with each other.
When you agree not to take any commentary personally and just accept it for “what is,” without projecting your fears or shame into it, you can use the information to learn to give each other more pleasure.
The best response to feedback is a simple “Thank you.”
When you reward her for taking the risk to offer a course correction by simply saying, “Thank you,” you also give her the gift of releasing her from feeling ashamed that she isn’t getting pleasure from a particular experience. (Click Here To Read Why “Thank You” Is The Only True Option If You Want Her To Surrender To You“)
ORGANIC INTIMACY
I recommend you dispense with manners during lovemaking.
If she has to say, “Honey, that doesn’t feel good, can you please try something else,” and she’s worried about hurting your feelings, she has to get out of her body and back into her rational mind to be polite.
Instead, encourage her to blurt out whatever is on her mind simply. Release her from being “mannerly.”
Her: That hurts.
You: Thank you.
Her: I don’t like that.
You: Thank you.
Her: That pulls. Use more lube.
You: Thank you.
Her: Change the speed.
You: Thank you.
Her: Slow down.
You: Thank you.
Her: Faster!
You: Thank you.
Her: Don’t stop.
You: Thank you.
If she can blurt and you can adjust, she can stay in her turn, and you can take her higher.
This is not bossy. This is not selfish. This is easy. It works. When you are blame-free and simply using your voice to report what’s happening with that animal/body you can’t control, the “Thank you” is a reverential way to further support her in saying what IS.
Each time she divulges a valuable nugget of feedback and simply says, “Thank you,” you reinforce that you won’t take it negatively or personally. You value and appreciate her helpful reports.
This is a two-way street. By teaching her to speak up without fear of repercussion, she’ll start thanking you when you give her feedback too.
Now, I know what you’re thinking.
Isn’t it emasculating to say, “Thank you,” when you are getting corrected?
NO.
Not if you’re a lover with enough confidence to say, “Tell me everything, baby. I am man enough to handle it.”
And if she says, “That doesn’t feel good,” but she doesn’t tell you WHAT would feel better, does it help you get better?
YES.
If your mindset is that of a sexual leader, the feedback improves you.
Please use my mantra, “There is no failure, only feedback.”
REWARD HER by thanking her. She’s doing you a huge favor by taking the risk, to be honest with you. She’s entrusting you. She’s guiding you. So you can lead her to more pleasure.
And it’s not her job to decide what you should try instead. Most women don’t know what they want, they just know what they don’t like, especially when she’s surrendered to their passion.
By getting her to tell you what isn’t working, you can come back to her with “Two Option Leading.”
In two option leading, you simply give her a multiple-choice offer.
Her: “That doesn’t feel good.”
You: “Thank you.”
You: “Would you like it slower, like this (demonstrate), or faster, like this (demonstrate)?”
Instead of open-ended questions that she has to break her mode of abandoned surrender and come back into the present to answer, just keeps offering her options or simply trying something new.
You: “Does this feel better, or does this?”
The “Two Option Leading” keeps you in the driver’s seat, allows her to continue to surrender, and you’ll learn even more about what feels good to her today. (Tomorrow, of course, is a whole new ball game.)
“Two Option Leading” is based on the core truth that we prefer options to a single choice as humans. Just as in our program, Seduce Her Tonight, in which you get The Four Keys to Seduction, you learn how to run her menus during sex, making her small offers. Giving her a choice between two options will give you a fast and easy response rather than an open-ended question she must stop and think about.
Let’s recap.
The 3 steps to install this agreement for loving, actionable sexual communication with your partner:
Explain to her how her animal and her mind are separate, and not only do you WANT feedback, you won’t take it personally because you know her animal isn’t under her control and she means well.
Tell her you want her to communicate and show her how you’ll just say, “Thank you,” so she feels safe.
Tell her she can just blurt out anything she wants to communicate without the need for manners and that you’ll give her options.
Once you’ve had this conversation with her and tried it together, please return to this blog post and share your experience to help others.
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All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The statements made within this email/website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These statements and the products of this company are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek consultation from your doctor.
