Consider focusing on the four cues to increase your (or your lady’s) intimacy and desire. Learn more about fulfilling relationships.
In “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life,” Dr. Emily Nagoski presents research findings from a survey about factors for female sexual desire.
Researchers asked women what turned them on and found the results divided into four general categories:
1. Love and Emotional Bonding Cues
2. Explicit and Erotic Cues
3. Visual and Proximity Cues
4. Romantic and Implicit Cues
FULFILLING RELATIONSHIPS
Love and Emotional Bonding Cues
Understanding how you (or your lady) feels most loved, secure, and emotionally connected and consistently creating those feelings for her will increase her desire for lovemaking. (This is what my Relationship Magic exercise helps you put into words so your partner can create those feelings for you.)
Explicit and Erotic Cues
What turns you (or your lady) on? Does she like reading erotica? Having you tell her how sexy she is? Seeing her lover’s erect penis? There are responses to erotic cues that are unique for each woman.
Visual and Proximity Cues
What gets you turned on? A warm fireplace? A pair of the sluttiest high heels in your closet? Is it seeing your guy in his tight briefs?
Romantic and Implicit Cues
What kind of romantic experiences get you turned on? Do you love to be held? Does salsa dancing get you aroused? Perhaps a dinner out where he gets the car door for you? Or a verbal expression of his undying love for you?
These four conditions increase couples’ desire and passion for each other.
Too often, in a new relationship, the energy fades when the romantic and emotional bonding cues get taken for granted.
In Revive Her Drive, I explain to men who want to rekindle their intimate lives that they must start with romance, then re-awaken their wives’ or girlfriends’ sensual awareness before moving into seduction and sexual techniques.
Men generally have a faster desire accelerator system, so they tend to forget these all-important steps to a woman’s passion.
In my following email of this series, I’ll tell you the eight things that cause women to “slam the brakes” on a relationship, according to Dr. Emily Nagoski.
Pay close attention to what you or your partner need to feel “in the mood” for hugs, kisses, and sweet, intimate moments.
Every person’s desired accelerator cues are different. When you learn what makes you feel like getting more intimate, you can more easily empower your lover to create that experience.
In my vast experience working with a wide range of men and women worldwide for over a decade, it’s great to have a checklist of things your partner likes and loves that ultimately gets them into the mood for love.
Any shortcuts to the pleasure and happiness you can give each other will help you and your partner create the feelings you need to co-create a genuinely fruitful soulmate relationship.
And isn’t that one of the joys of life?
