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“How to safely start socializing again… “

Exclusive socialization: Polyamorous safe dating technique works perfectly for C-19 opening.

Here’s how to safely start socializing again…

99% of the relationship and intimacy advice I give out is for monogamous, heterosexual relationships.

However, the clever polyamorous or open relationship folks have a practice that I’m recommending for you if you’ve been sheltering in place.

There is this notion of a “fluid-bonded screened group” in the smart open relationship crowd. The group tends to be older, more highly educated and have decades of positive, happy, healthy polyamorous lovers. This fluid-bonding keeps them from getting viruses, bacterias and other critters that pass from person to person.

Think about it as “exclusive socialization.”

This is the strategy I will use when we are allowed again to begin mingling with our fellow man and woman. I’ve now had two rounds of C-19 and realize that you can catch this sucker twice. The last thing I want to do is give someone this virus. It’s potentially deadly. So we must be ultra-careful so that we don’t unwittingly pass it along. Because even once we have antibodies, nobody knows if we can catch a different strain or have an asymptomatic flare-up. It’s similar to herpes in that we can give it without knowing we have it. This thing is a bugger!

Now you might be a person who is on the side of, “let’s all get it so we can get back to work.” Or you might be on the side of, “I ain’t leaving my house until there’s a vaccine.”

No matter where along with any point on the spectrum you are, you will be commingling with people in a different place on the said spectrum. And I’m sure you would agree with me that when we all work together as global citizens, we are collectively happier and healthier.

So how are we ever going to date again if we’re single? How are we going to open up our house to friends?

Try this. (Or any variation on this theme you choose.)

A fluid-bonded screened group is like a “monogamous group” instead of just two people. They are only intimate with the people in the group. Some of the people don’t necessarily have sex with each other, especially in larger groups. Every poly fluid-bonded group is unique and suits the collective. The one thing they don’t do is sleep with anyone outside the group. They do “exclusive intimacy.” They all get fully tested as part of the “screening in” process. Then they share their test results with the group and commit to the fidelity with that group until further notice.

If they break that agreement and have intimacy with someone not in the group, they say so and the group decides if they can get tested again and screen in again or not.

The whole notion of the fluid bonded group is built on integrity. You will hold your trust and if things change you will alert the group. This does not work if you don’t trust the people with whom you’re bonded.

This screening group keeps people safe from contracting STI’s because nobody is sleeping with anyone outside the group. Everyone in the group has been tested.

So how does this relate to the lifting of quarantine?

Social bubbles.


Social bubbles are a screened group. You exclusively socialize with specific, agreed-upon friends, co-workers, neighbors, lovers… the small group of people you want to hug, sit next to, have over for dinner, work with closely…

Whether you are worried about exposure to the virus for your own health or someone close to you that needs to be protected, a social bubble may be the first step in safely getting to our new normal alive.

Once we have enough testing, we may be able to either show that we are virus-free or that we have the antibodies. If antibodies are deemed to make us safe, then we can create a small group of people that are tested to be safe in one way or another.

Here’s a social bubble example.

  • First, a couple who had the virus but are working from home and when they occasionally go out, they always wear a mask to protect themselves from contracting the virus. They have an antibody test.
  • They are friends with a neighbor couple who only hangs out together and has to be super careful because of his 84-year old mother for whom he cares each week.
  • They have a test that shows they have no virus.
    And family, their daughter, and son-in-law, and grandson. The little guy is not in school yet. Daughter and son-in-law work from home. They have been tested and are clear.

These seven people could be part of a small social bubble.

For a short time, until we have more clarity on this virus, these seven people could hang out together and keep to themselves.

Nothing is perfect. Someone could get infected and spread the virus. But the odds are very, very low. Much lower than going back to just being with everybody.

Think about this concept as “exclusive socialization.”

Even without the testing, if the people you want to hang out with seem low risk for you, having them be part of your exclusive bubble lowers everyone’s exposure. Social bubbles are an explicit agreement to own each other’s safety by limiting your exposure.

Belgium, Scotland and New Zealand are all beginning to utilize this concept as reported by Angela Dewan in CNN.¹

“Some sociologists see it as a logical way to emerge from isolation. If you limit the people you spend time with, you naturally limit the chances of spreading the coronavirus widely.”

We are beginning to emerge… let’s keep everyone safe.

And on another related topic, I just read a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that 37% of couples quarantined together are having less intimacy. It’s an emotionally draining time for many of us. Others of us are lonely. Don’t forget to cuddle and touch if you are quarantined with others. We all need LOTS of loving and nurturing touch… not just the more sensual.

And if you’re single, now is the time to be doing video chats over social media. I encourage you to watch out for the coming Facebook Virtual Dating feature that will offer video chatting on Messenger when you sign up for their Facebook Dating. Bumble and Match both have video chat features already, but they will never have the recommendation intelligence that Facebook will offer. Get on Match or Bumble now because time is a wasting! Your next love is waiting for you out there.



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