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Passion Playdates #5: Do this exercise to detox, strength, or heal your intimate life


Passion Playdates are when you and your partner set aside a specific time for passion play and sensual “private” activities where you both come in as beginners, assuming you know nothing and proceed to learn new things together. 

Think of it as a fun “couples sexercise” that grows and enriches your intimacy — physical and emotional. 

Here is a Passion Playdate that will help you put things in perspective and have better control of your “on the spot” emotions so you can let go and enjoy intimacy more:

It’s called the Red Dot Exercise. Here’s how to do it. 

  1. Think of some problems you currently have. If you’re new to this, start out with the little problems that are invading your life. As you get better with this technique, you can use this on the truly serious ones. 
  2. Let yourself sink into this problem. Think about what makes it a problem for you. How it’s affecting your life. What is the nature of this problem? 
  3. Imagine putting this problem in a big circle. Let the circle cover your “image” of the problem completely. 
  4. Make the circle around your problem the color red. Then slowly fill in this circle with the color. Just like an Instagram filter. 
  5. Now imagine the red disc move away from you… a little bit further… and a little bit more. As it moves away from you, imagine it getting smaller and smaller. Then imagine that the further it goes away, the less you feel attached and affected by it. Let it slip further away until it becomes a red dot. 
  6. Now, you’re able to see your problem from a different perspective. It’s smaller. And a lot further away. Notice how there are other, more important things that deserve your attention and emotions. 
  7. Now, you can let the red dot stay there. Even invite it to come closer and reverse the effects to experiment with it. Then move it away again. Notice how now you have full control of how you let your emotions get affected by your problem as you move it closer or further. 
  8. Then finally, when you’re ready, let the red dot move even further away… and disappear into nothingness. 
  9. The final instruction is to not force yourself to feel anything when the red dot disappears. Let whatever emotional feelings happen for you. 

Doing this exercise shows you how you are not your red dot. You are not your problem. And that even if your red dot is closer to you, further away, or have totally disappeared, it does not truly affect you in any way. 

You’ve now discovered how to separate your problems from your personal emotions. This recognition allows you to be more in control and present in your relationships, Loverspace, and in your life. 

What happens in life is that you can choose to integrate, center, ground, and toggle your emotions independently. You are not truly affected by any problems or red dots you may have. 

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