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Increasing Your Sexual Pleasure Together By Sexual Switching

Role Reversal: How SHE Takes Control During Sex

Ohhh, goodie! Cassie’s boyfriend wants her to take control during sex. It’s my pure delight to help her figure out what to do to have him lying there moaning and writhing harder than he ever has before. Read on.

Hi Susan,

I just loved the recent workshop you offered – Get Hard Stay Hard.  Also, Jim’s video with all the ways to touch a woman was AWESOME!!!

I have a partner who is an amazing lover, and generally we focus on me. He recently expressed that he has a fantasy to be out of control, for me to take charge, and just let me do whatever I want to him, to be “taken.” I definitely can see myself in that role, but I could use some help! What does a man want in this situation? I typically just love for the man to take control, so this is a new role for me.

Thank you for all your amazing information!


A person that plays both the Submissive and Dominating roles in a BDSM relationship is called, a “Switch.”

This role reversal of taking turns leading your partner exponentially increases your sexual pleasure together. Why? Because being dominant flexes your sexual fantasy muscles in an empowering way for a woman. Leading gives you more sexual self-confidence.

And for a guy, being the one who gets DONE, is a fabulous break from always being the one DOING.

For a man to get really good in bed, he eventually gets his skills and techniques so wired that he is no longer in his head thinking about DOING, he is just being… reacting…

That’s when he can finally surrender to his desires and be in the interplay of the moment.

Because you liked the Get Hard Stay Hard Workshop Jim and I did together, you may REALLY like the How To Give Her Vaginal Orgasms Through Intercourse Workshop we do too. Because in it we talk about how HIS surrender is one of the key components to the most wild, passionate, animalistic sex a couple can achieve. Here’s a link to watch it:

Orgasms Through Intercourse <== When He Surrenders… She Comes Harder

Now this sexual switching is going to be VERY HOT for you both. I’m going to give you some ideas of things you can do, but I’d really recommend you get a copy of Dr. Patti’s “Be Her Sexual Trainer” audiobook and downloadable Special Report. It’s part of The Seduction Trilogy. That’s a 3-part series on seduction strategies for couples.

Listening to the audiobooks WITH your boyfriend is going to blast open your sex life to a profoundly new level of eroticism because in these audiobooks you will learn how to escalate arousal and how to elicit each other’s deepest fantasies.

Right now, you are kind of “guessing” what he wants. Yes, you can outright ask him… but it’s WAY more fun to use Dr. Patti’s fantasy elicitation strategies. It was actually Dr. Patti who taught ME what a switch was!

So get the Trilogy and learn more about fantasy elicitation.

Seduction Trilogy <=== Learn More

OK, so moving forward you are going to be able to unearth some HOT fantasies out of your boy toy’s brain and bring them to life for him. OMG, I am getting so excited for you. This is such a sweet time in a couple’s sex life.

But for TONIGHT, here are some things you can do even without asking him that are sure to be better than he’s even imagining you could come up with.

First thing to know is that the way you like be dominated is totally different than what a guy generally likes. These are all generalizations… your mileage may vary….

Rule #1:

Touch his penis early and often.

Put on something that makes you feel like a sexy badass. (Thigh high black boots, a cupless bra and black lacy thong panties come to mind.)

Play some really grindy music. Contemporary hard rock, squishy dub, whatever makes your pussy go nom nom nom…

Tell him to strip for you very slowly.

Make him show you his penis.

Admire and appreciate it. Tell him how sexy he is, how much you worship his cock and that you are going to do all kinds of titillating things to him starting now.

Then start playing with it. Grind your butt into his lap. Give him a few lickings. Tap it on your breasts.

Go back and forth taking him in your mouth and kissing him. Make the kisses VERY WET.

Look him in the eyes as you are orally pleasuring him.

Press against him. Undulate on him. Lie him down on the bed and get on top of him. Drop your breasts in his mouth.

Keep touching his penis and tickling or stroking his balls.

Move to 69 where you are on top of him.

Make a LOT of moaning sounds. Tell him how much he turns you on.  Really be as slutty as you can.

Eventually you are going to want to get on him, most likely cowgirl style, and slide up and down on his cock building him up to an orgasm and then backing off a little bit so you can keep going until your legs give out.

The whole time, tell him how good he feels inside you.

If you want to change positions, just tell him what to do. Use him for your pleasure like a boy toy.

And when he comes, tell him what a good job he did pleasuring you.

That’s a nice switchy dominant-but-still-sweet way to take control.

I’m sure you are already thinking of some things you’d like to do or that you know he’d enjoy…

And when you get to the fantasy elicitation in Be Her Sexual Trainer (works as well for women as men, no worries!) you are going to blow the lid off that house you’re in, baby!

Cassie, thanks for asking this awesome question.

Let me know how it goes, ok?

Here are all the links from this advice in one place for you:

Get Hard Stay Hard Workshop
33 Ways To Touch Her
Orgasms From Intercourse Workshop
The Seduction Trilogy


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