As a child, when you ran to your parents for help, did you get held and supported?
Did your parents help you put your feelings into words?
Did you get guidance and encouragement for doing your homework or learning a new skill?
If not, you will have insecure functioning that will cause pain in your relating. Read on to see how easy it is to heal these issues.
Watch Here <== How Securely functioning Couples Communicate
HEAL YOUR REACTIONS
In this video interview, I talk with Dr. Susan Campbell about how securely functioning couples communicate.
Sweetie, you learned to communicate based on how you were parented. Even if your parents didn’t protect you or didn’t look into your eyes and tell you, “You are a such a great kid,” you can heal those wounds and become a secure person.
If you obsess or act impulsively… if you struggle with touch… if you try to “fix” instead of expressing feelings… you can learn how to overcome core fears from the way you were parented that are affecting your ability to have a secure relationship.
Find out if you have insecure functioning from either an avoidance based or preoccupied parenting style by watching this interview with Dr. Susan Campbell, author of the excellent new book, “Five-Minute Relationship Repair: Quickly Heal Upsets, Deepen Intimacy and Use Differences To Strengthen Love.”
If you and your partner trigger upset, learn how to stop scaring each other.
Five-Minute Relationship Repair is a complete workbook for singles and couples who know that they react to others in ways that are not positive, warm and comforting.
BLUEPRINT FOR HEALING
If you have unspoken issues…
If you live in constant conflict…
Or you want to be in a relationship that is fantastically supportive so that when you go through distress, you’ll know how to communicate in a securely functioning way, then watch this video interview with Susan Campbell, PhD.
HOW SECURE PARTNERS COMMUNICATE
“Securely functioning partners feel safe to reveal vulnerable needs and feelings. They can talk about anything, knowing that if conflicts or misunderstandings occur, they have tools to resolve them. If they feel distressed or have a need, they’ll express it at the appropriate volume level. They won’t have to turn their volume up to get attention. It won’t be mixed with angry protests or anxiety. They won’t shut their signaling down or hide out. They will admit their needs and their fears and reach out for reassurance. And if either partner notices that the other is distressed, they will respond quickly with touch, eye contact, and simple, soft, reassuring messages. Each partner knows what their partner needs to feel safe, and they know how to calm and reassure their partner when needed.
Co-regulation is a natural part of a secure couple’s daily life — not only in response to distress calls, but as a way to nurture their connection. Secure couples touch often. Partners may frequently hug at departures and arrivals and check in with each other throughout the day. Even when they are apart, they will feel connected.
Secure couples know that interdependence is the root of healthy, happy relating. They know that, as couples’ therapist Stan Catkin says, “Relationship is like a three-legged race.” Ongoing happiness is based on both partners staying vertical and moving forward together. The basic rule is: “If you fall, then I fall.” You cannot leave one partner on the ground.
Taking a stance that treats their relationship as a three-legged race, secure partners know that it is in their own best interest to find mutual solutions — and to respond in a caring, helpful way when a partner is in distress. A secure couple has no interest in who is right or who will win if there’s a difference in needs. Partners work together to arrive at a solution that works for both.
As in a three-legged race, if one person feels off balance, that person needs to know how to reach out for help in an open, transparent way as soon as possible. If a distressed partner needs reassurance, the other knows how to quickly respond with co-regulation or comforting verbal messages. Secure couples get triggered, but they have learned how to accept their triggers and quickly reassure safety or repair.” —
Five-Minute Relationship Repair
How Secure Couples Handle Distress ⇐ Get The Book
Stop getting your buttons pushed. Figure out your core issues, heal them and begin to feel secure in your relationships.
Dr. Susan Campbell is an amazing therapist. Her book gives you the guidance to heal yourself, your partner and your relationship.
There’s a wonderful section in the video about establishing a hugging practice that you should not miss!
- Strengthen Your Love.
7 Responses
Hi both, when I was a child, I hated staying in the house not because I wasn’t loved or my parents weren’t there for me, it was because I was miss understood, they didn’t understand me as a child, they didn’t encourage me to do anything, I loved the outdoor world I lived in the country in a small village where everyone new each other. My relationship with my parents is very child like where my parents still talk to me like a child, even though I have my own child, if I tell my child off they would step in and over rule me, my child is treated totally different to the way I was brought up, I give a lot of I encouragement with home work, I also give lots of cuddles and we talk about anything and everything, I am now a single mother and he hasn’t seen his dad for four years, he asks a lot about having a new dad and if his dad loves him, I’m praying this won’t have a knock on affect when he’s older, I’ve told him his dad loves him just that he’s not well and at this moment dad can’t see what’s he’s missing out on due to his illness, I’ve not wanted to go into to much with him just to keep telling him he’s love by us both even though he’s not here to tell him, I let my son express his feeling and to talk about everything that is on his. Mind, so we can help what ever the problem is, we have a great relationship, but sometimes I think I’m giving him everything to make up from his dad not being here for him, I don’t shout at my son, I do discipline him, not by smacking or shouting but using the time out seat, to calm him down but to make him think why he’s playing up, what’s happened to make him play up, than we sit and talk about it within 3 minutes. We have a hug and tell each other how much we love each other and that’s it, until the next time. I don’t have a partner my son has me and my family but we don’t really see anyone apart from my parents, but we haven’t seen them in a while due to them being so ill over the last 6 months. I love what your saying about talking, feelings, and hugging each other, I enjoyed listening about how to talk after an argument, it’s all good stuff,
Hi Susa, great job in this interview. People need to know such information because relationship are the key health and happiness. For me I am always looking for new ideas, and I can use them all if I ever want to achieve that “honeymoon forever relationship”
BTW. I have known you for over 10 years now and you are master in communicating information.
Paul
how do reach out to my children that they know i love them..
so far i do practise hugging n telling them i love them n that i will be there for them.
despite the fact, that i hv a strong authorotative personality, i learn to give in n listen. i dont want to raise them , the way i was raised.
i encourage them to speak their minds, while sometimes its difficult for me to accept what they are saying. but patience n practise makes perfect.
is there anything i can do more as a single mother to make sure their wholesome kids. welcome ur suggestions.
Found this interview really informative and very encouraging. Gives tools, makes you think and pass. A worthwhile conversation for any relationship. thank you very much, i found myself smiling at the end and having a way to relate to my new boyfriend and his boys. Thankyou so much, this one goes in the vault, and i am onto Amazon as soon as this comment has been written.
Gertie
I Thank You Susan for all your experiences and your knowledge in helping all of us to live a Simplified life and enjoy our sex lives as well.No matter what we go thru,you are really a very charming and successful person.
GOD bless you and your married live and may you be best of what GOD has for you,may manifest in your lives.With love from Rob.
Thank you so much for sharing this valuable conversation. Although I am single for the moment and building my magnetism to attract my Soul partner, this conversation has made me aware of many things for my future love relationship and I will start using it with my children, right away!! The correlating thing which I have been doing quite intuitively.
Namaste
Mrs. Bratton,I really need to say this; I Truly Commend You on your quest to educate and enlighten the masses on how to Live Better Lives and Just Be Happier People, Singles and Couples. You Are A True Gem. I’m certain that your Husband is very aware of how fortunate he is to have you as his. Please, I implore you, don’t ever stop what you are doing for so many. God Bless You. Oh, I think that you should consider doing some Movies to spread this good news. Thank You, Sajjan