Personal Life Media

Transcript

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Alissa Kriteman: Welcome to Just for Women, Dating, Relationships and Sex. I am your host, Alissa Kriteman. This show is dedicated to providing today’s modern women with useful information they need to make empowered, conscious choices. On the show today we are talking about social dynamics, the art of connecting with people. On today’s show, we are going to get an overview of what social dynamics are and how men and women are using them to find love. 

This is one part of a four-part series with a company called The Art of Charm. Our guest today is Benjamin Klein, corporate director of The Art of Charm.

Benjamin Klein: And then my latest mentor, who was the foremost authority on new home sales, taught me about success and it is basically find somebody who has done what you want to do and do every single thing that they tell you to do and replicate it and duplicate it at will. Don’t ask questions, just do it and you will climb that ladder of success real quick.

Important thing is regardless of whether it is a corporate situation or a relationship situation is that it is done with honesty, integrity and that the value for the most part is equal. If you want to be an attractive person, actually be an attractive person. Work on yourself. Everyone talks about going out and getting lucky and the reality of it is, the harder you work, the luckier you get.  

If a guy is being a jackass, tell him he is being a jackass. If he is of the mindset that he’s coming over there and he is going to talk to you, he’s going to do it anyway, so you might as well tell him either A, I am interested or B, I am not.

Alissa Kriteman: Welcome to Just for Women, Benjamin.

Benjamin Klein: Ah, thank you. It’s a pleasure to be here. I appreciate it.

Alissa Kriteman: You’re welcome. Benjamin Klein, let’s see, you are a graduate of the University of Florida with extensive study in psychology of sales, management and success.  Today he leverages that wisdom along with his mastery of the psychology of social dynamics as the corporate director at The Art of Charm. Most recently, The Art of Charm has been featured on the Today Show and New York Daily News and most, most recently, I’ve heard there was a little spoof on Saturday Night Live. So Benjamin, you are becoming mainstream.

Benjamin Klein: Yeah, that’s what we set out to do. That’s what we are trying to do. It seems to be happening quite rapidly here. We are pretty happy with it. It’s all from the success principles that we are practicing and hopefully, teaching as many people as possible.

Alissa Kriteman: [laughter] I love your accent. I’m from Boston so I love the ease with which you speak.

Benjamin Klein: It’s funny because people keep telling me I have an accent. I don’t know what they are talking about but I will take your word for it.

Alissa Kriteman: [Laughter]

Benjamin Kriteman: It’s weird. It’s been a lot lately. It’s never happened before in the past six months but the past six months I have been getting the business on it. It’s funny.

Alissa Kriteman: People are flirting with you, maybe.

Benjamin Klein: Probably, most likely.

Alissa Kriteman: Well, I know that my listeners really care about what men are learning when it comes to relating with us of the female persuasion. So I am very pleased to talk with you today and I want to talk about social dynamics, of course, how this approach relates to or differs from standard pickup techniques. I want to talk about The Art of Charm, your company, the mission, what you offer men and women and I want to get your perspective on how we as women can learn to be our most empowered self.

So I love to start with talking about you. How did you get to this place of being this corporate director for a company on social dynamics?

Benjamin Klein: It’s actually a really fun, interesting story.  I was selling homes in Charlotte, North Carolina just right out of college. Did that for about three years and took on a few mentors in success and sales and basically taught me everything there is to know about the art of selling, the psychology of selling, the background behind the different aspects of sales.

And then my latest mentor who was the foremost authority of new home sales taught me about success. And it’s basically, find somebody who has done what you want to do and do every single thing they tell you to do and replicate it and duplicate it at will.    Don’t ask questions just do it. You will climb that ladder of success real quick.

How I got into the social dynamic aspect of it. I was actually one of the first clients for Josh and Johnny, our two creators of our curriculum and two of my business partners. And this was actually not that long ago. It was probably two years ago. They were in North Carolina at the time. My roommate actually forced me to go do the class with them. Whatever, I am always open to trying new things, looking to learn, looking to grow. I ended up meeting them, doing some training with them, did a few more programs.

I was here on New Year’s Eve and we were talking about it. It was my third program. I was getting bored sitting in a model home even though I was making a ton of money, having tremendous success.  I just decided it was time to spread my wings and fly. Ended up I was here on New Year’s. Two weeks later I was in New York, quit my job, moved to New York with these guys to start the company. It has been fun ever since. It was an interesting little move there. You got to leap and the net will appear. It always does. It always comes in some form but it was a lot of fun. It has been a fun adventure.

Alissa Kriteman: It sounds like the principles you learned in your earlier days are definitely starting to reap benefits as you’re being seen in the media on the Today Show, New York Daily News. It will be interesting to see where all of this goes. I am sure having you as a powerhouse behind it is really an awesome force. So tell us about social dynamics as a body of knowledge.

Benjamin Klein: Basically what we do at The Art of Charm is we teach people the nuances of social interaction. And what that means is people can breakdown through body language, personality, eye contact, and then through the actual verbal things that you are hearing, the verbal cues that you are getting.  There are a number of different ways it can be used, a number of different ways it can be taught. But the principle behind it is that you talk about pickups and you talk about social dynamics, what we’ve done is we’ve taken the psychology behind it and applied it to everything. It is not focused on just meeting women. It’s not focused on sales or it’s not focused on life in general. It’s everything. It’s everything encompassed in the spirit of living. It’s a great system and a great thing that people don’t realize is going on even though it is happening all around them every minute of the day.

One of the things I like to do is, I like to sit and have a conversation with someone outside and I ask them. I say, “What do you see going on right now?” Most people would be standing in a crowded park or in a bar or in a restaurant, like “Nothing. People are just eating. People are just walking around. People are just drinking. People are having a good time.” What they don’t see are all the different emotions, all the different thoughts, all the different feelings, all the different conversations. People take things at face value instead of looking beyond those things and they say, “What really is going on there”

All the social dynamics aspect has done is taking this thing and has broken it down to a science of OK, what happens now? What happens with this? What do these patterns mean? This that and the other. It can be applied to anything, any social interaction it can be applied to.

Alissa Kriteman: You are saying that if I am sitting in the boardroom with a room full of professionals at a meeting, the same principles are going to apply if I am on a date with the man I really like.

Benjamin Klein: Yes and no. I mean the principles of social interaction are there always but applying it to a corporate sense, you obviously wouldn’t go through the three stages of which we call attraction, rapport and seduction in the side of relationship management but you would take them into attraction, just generally interest. There is obviously a mutual interest in a corporate setting where you have some sort of a mutual agreement that you need to come to in order to be successful in the business endeavor that you want to accomplish.

Rapport is a big thing with everything. Every aspect of life, rapport is a very important part of because when you build rapport with someone you are creating a connection with them and in most cases, an emotional connection. In a corporate setting, you are always closing. You always have to either be gaining agreement on setting an appointment or setting an interview like this or you have to be gaining agreement on terms of a deal.  You can go about it with that nature. Now the close of a boardroom would be just getting the deal, getting the situation or getting the value that you want from the other person across that table.

The important thing is regardless of whether it is a corporate situation or a relationship situation is that it is done with honesty, integrity and that the value for the most part is equal. That everyone’s perceived value is that they are getting exactly what they want out of the situation out of the deal and one of the things that we teach all of clients is you give value to people upfront. You give people the value of here’s what I have to offer upfront and you do it with no questions asked.

Alissa Kriteman:   That’s a really good point because I’ve read in some of this pickup stuff this idea that a man has to have a higher perceived value. So what you are saying is no, come at it by giving people value and going from there which is very different from what I’ve read.

Benjamin Klein: Well, I mean, it’s a tough call on that one because you want to with relationships or with the women you are trying to attract, you want to have high value. There is not necessarily a higher value. There is no better and there is no worse. Just because you know something that someone else doesn’t know, doesn’t make you any better or worse.  The perceived higher value I think is unfair to say because then you have to walk around and perceive it as what most people perceive it as, as I have higher value. It’s just having high value.  It’s not something where you have to say, Oh, I am better or I’m worse than this person or I have higher or lesser value than this person. It’s we walk around every single day and we are raising the value of people around us.

Because what happens is you find out in life, you find out in romantic relationships, you find out in business relationships who you really want to hang out with. Because you can only go as high as your five closest friends. Whether they are female, male or alien,        you can only go as high as those five people around you. And it’s birds of a feather flock together. And what I am saying in regards to relationships is you want to perceive yourself to have high value because you believe in yourself not because a female is going to look at you and say, “Oh he has higher value than me, I need to go create an emotional connection with him and sleep with him.” That’s not the case at all.

Alissa Kriteman: How do you work with guys if they have a problem in really believing in themselves? Where do you take them if they are struggling with that self confidence?

Benjamin Klein: To be perfectly honest about what we are doing here, I always tell people we are truth tellers. We are very hard on ourselves. We have very high expectations of ourselves as a company and of ourselves personally and we are all continuing to help each other grow as friends and a company and as a family as a company. So we go ahead and we apply that to our clients. We are very hard on them. I tell them before they get here and my sales staff tells them before they get here, “Be prepared for an intense week. You are investing a lot of money in this program and a lot of money in yourself and you better be prepared to work for it because some people come in and think there is a magic blue pill they are going to swallow and all of a sudden they can come out and meet the woman of their dreams. No that’s not the case. We are going to give you the tools and guidelines and the knowledge to have the wisdom to go out and actually apply it.”

Our program is not set up so that people come in here and learn all of this stuff and then at a snap of fingers, they are just magically Don Juan. It’s more about if you want to be an attractive person, actually be an attractive person. Work on yourself. Everyone talks about going out and getting lucky and the reality of it is the harder you work, the luckier you get. These are just simple basic success principles which you can apply to this side of your life and what it boils down to is that the more attractive you are to yourself, because let’s be honest, if you are not honest with yourself, how are you supposed to be honest with other people around you?

Alissa Kriteman: So do you have truth circles where people sit around and they tell each other deep, vulnerable things from their past? Do you actually get into the practice of being alright with things that might have been deemed shameful before? You are not going to tell me, are you?

Benjamin Kriteman: I will give you whatever you want because it all comes from a position of truth but I mean there are no situations where we are sitting around, alright, tell us the worst thing you have done and let’s be open. We let people go at their own pace.  The open you are with someone typically the more open they are with you.    As you can tell we are very open with that what we expect with them and how we feel about ourselves.

We have no regrets. We have a theory that there are no mistakes in life interview. There is no such thing as failure. If there is one thing to take out of this whole entire interview for anyone is there are no mistakes. There is no such thing as failure and there is no such thing as rejection. And I’ll explain that by saying, you either learn what to do or what not to do. This is a whole attitude and a mindset that you have to have to be successful in any part of your life whether it is business or in relationships. Because what’s going to happen when your significant other comes home and they had a rough day. You got to be strong enough to be emotionally stable enough to be there for them, to help them grow and for them to help you grow. I think that’s one of the most successful things that people need to focus on in relationships.  Is this person helping me grow? Am I helping them grow? Together are we growing? I have had several situations where I could just tell that the females in my life weren’t ready to grow at the same level I am. It’s hard to keep up with my level of growth and I understand that.

Again, the whole thing you talk about rejection in regards to the battle of sexes. There is no such thing as rejection. You either go out and meet someone of interest or you either go out and you have fun or you learn. You learn the steps of what to do and what not to do. This whole thing is not hard. It’s not difficult. It’s hard work but it is very simple. It’s very simple in nature especially after we have given you the knowledge and the tools to go out and apply it.

Alissa Kriteman: I really like this. I love what you are saying that there is no rejection.  necessarily. It’s really is your perspective and it can actually be an experience of learning.

We are going to take a short break to support our sponsors. I love for you guys to listen to these ads. These are ads created by my sponsors for my show and they help me bring these great experts to you listeners. So if you can support them, I really appreciate it. We’ve got some great sponsors.  This is Alissa Kriteman. I am with Benjamin Klein. We will be right back to talk more about the social dynamics and the art of connection. We will be right back.

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Alissa Kriteman: We are back. I’m Alissa Kriteman. We are talking with Benjamin Klein about social dynamics and how they can play a big role in our lives not necessarily just in relationships with men and women but really in our lives, in general business situations and so we are talking about the fundamentals of what it takes to understand what is going on in this situation.  Now I want to talk a little bit more about how you apply these social dynamic skills in your company The Art of Charm and in the different courses that you offer.  So tell me a little bit about these leaders. I would think that coming from a social dynamic background is everyone trained in social dynamics?

Benjamin Klein: Everyone within the company? Everyone has at least been to one of our bootcamps.     We have a week training session where two members get up at the end of our day on Monday and give a different topic. Last week was etiquette. The week before was report on sales. I can’t remember the week prior to that. A number of different topics applying to how best to use these things and how best to apply them not only to your life. The main part of the social dynamic aspect of it is it’s very hard for us to, how should I say, fool each other. We see right through actions. Because when you know social dynamics you have a very good read on what’s around you. You have a very good read on if someone is looking down and they’re talking to you, you can tell they are emotional about the subject We can see these things in the body language.

It’s funny one of the principles we are talking about is being a nonreactive individual Have that emotional stability. One of the things we    We will sit there screaming at each other and yelling, “You are dam right I am being reactive. And we just start laughing about it because we have such a good read makes life so much more fun and so much more interesting especially walking down the street in New York City constantly noticing things the way that girls are walking by each other.        Are they comfortable standing next to you or not. Why are they standing this close to you? Are they attractive to tyou. asking you to talk to them. You can see these signals. It’s like seeing the Matrix. We always joke around It’s amazing.

Alissa Kriteman: Well yeah. It’s almost like you are a ninja that can   because of that it is a powerful foray into having communication, opening up a conversation. I can see in what you are saying they are building blocks. You have to understand the clues. First you have to have the emotional stability in yourself because when something comes up you are not necessarily reacting.

Benjamin Kreitman: Absolutely. We are very similar as well in the way we communicate The way we carry Man and women it’s funny they don’t notice the signals that they are throwing off. In some of our female programs, we do teach men and women           They don’t know these things. We are breaking down social walls. We break down social barriers.  I always talk to clients glass box You have to walk up to them and break the glass. Just like the fire ax on the wall. You have to break the glass and knock down the social walls. This person is unique genuine integrity and I can tell that right off the bat because of the way they are carrying themselves.

The questions that females ask Why aren’t guys noticing when I am standing here walking down the streets I am basically glaring at them, staring at them, waving at them, waving the white flag. And they don’t approach me. What women don’t understand how difficult it is to approach a woman.

What do you feel terms that come out of guy’s mouth. I lose function of my motor skills. I can’t breath. I tense up My mind goes blank and I don’t know why. We break those down and explain here’s why.

Alissa Kriteman: What you are describing is like an experience of dying

Benjamin Klein: Pretty much

Alissa Kriteman: Why do men have the experience of dying when they think of approaching a woman?

Benjamin Klein: I wouldn’t go that far something that some men can do more naturally than others. Some of our clients, they don’t know what to say. They rehearse negative outcomes in their mind. A lot of it is they are truthfully person have a higher value and they don’t have to. Again we gone back         People want Beautiful I am a high value individual who I know because I am giving them value because I am surrounding myself with good people and I have a great attitude and energy about myself. It is her opportunity to get to know me, not the other way around. Talking about why don’t the guys see these signals this because for women body language, the eye contact and the presence of people whereas we have to teach guys a little more to do that

A woman she may be sending 2 signals but as men most of the time until we are trained to do it, we pick up on two or three of them. When that happens we are talking ourselves out of it. Well she has a boyfriend. There is no way somebody good looking would be single

Alissa Kriteman: So I have a question about this. Clearly men have mental chatter approach anxiety something scary. It almost sounds like men can take this information and become arrogant with it. Alright I am going to go in there bust open say hello to her I am confident woman is having a bad day or cramps or any feminine issues that are going on it doesn’t sound that there is a lot of space for that or am I not hearing you right

Benjamin Klein: Explain, space for what aspect for what aspect guy talking to woman she doesn’t want to talk to him, what his reaction should be or is that acceptable? I’m not sure I understand the question?

Alissa Kriteman: It just seems there is a lot of energy around guys coming in maybe like a bull in a china shop which is why all these terms like bitch shield, ice queen refer to women which is difficult for women. It is difficult for both sexes but my question is how do people deal with a guy who is coming up. He is practicing getting over his approach anxiety and he is coming on too strong. What do women

Benjamin Klein: Answer is extremely simple and is quite profound and I am amazed that no one thought of it. It’s one word, honesty    conversation come in our female programs. It is basically the idea if a guy is being a jackass. If he is of the mindset that he is coming over there and he is going to talk to you he will do it anywhere. So you might as tell him either A I am interested or B I am not.  With these guys that are going up to meet women it’s a numbers game to a certain extent but it’s what you do with the people you interact with not how many you approach.

The term bitch is something I don’t like it’s like a lot of times a girl she may be having a bad day but a beautiful woman gets approached and talked to all the time. Walking down the street here with beautiful women, I had    female listeners go out constantly whistled at and constantly being hounded like and there is no break from it.  You have to see that perspective to understand it.        They are constantly approached and if they are not they are talked to if they are not they can feel that vibe. Sometimes a beautiful woman may seem like they are being watched. That’s one thing you have to have confidence presence, personality and  body language. Most guys honestly are creeping women out

Alissa Kriteman: Exactly because you are teaching guys. 

Benjamin Klein: Absolutelu

Alissa Kriteman:  It is really interesting to hear you talk about numbers game and being honest. This whole world men are learning, they really want to connect with women.  I think that’s the bottom line when talking with guys that coach other guys is that there is this real sense of wanting to connect with the woman and not having any idea how.

Benjamin Klein: Absolutely. It’s the one thing in life that the entire earth says this is something you are going to figure out on your own. It’s something to get from your father or mom. Usually mom’s advice is be a nice boy and sometimes it doesn’t work    The thing about it is the thing about it is the whole relationship dynamic I  get up in front of the program and say “How many guys learn to pick up chicks and get laid?”

Alissa Kriteman: What percentage raise their hands?

Benjamin Klein: Less than are willing Then I ask this question, “How many want to meet an attractive beautiful woman?” Everyone raises their hand. By the end of the program     Most of these guys have   Some people want to do that. They have to find out, and women to, can attest to this, to get to the top they have to go through two rungs of the ladder     I think quite honestly with what we are doing here with social dynamics and how to meet and attract and maintain that significant other who is right for you is what will drop that divorce rate down from 60 percent to a lot lower so people can be selective meet the person that is right for them

Alissa Kriteman: Exactly give them some room and sense of confidence really good stuff We are going to take another short break to support out sponsors I really appreciate it. They support me. Listeners feel free to send me an email at alissa@personallifemedia.com 2063505333. I love to hear from you.

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Alissa Kriteman: We are back. I’m Alissa Kriteman. We are talking with Benjamin Klein of The Art of Charm and all of the amazing things that men are learning in this school designed to teach men how to connect with women mostly. OK so now we have been talking about what men have been learning, what’s going on. I want to get a little bit deeper into these programs that you offer. They look very, very interesting. You start very light with this window shopping for woman e-book which covers a lot of things that you have been talking about today.    I want to talk about this live in program that you have Oh my God. You have a live-in program. What is this?

Benjamin 3 day weekend bootcamp here in New York city travel all over the world.  Our most popular program is our one week live in program. What that entails is extremely intense week of we have anywhere from five to ten clients living with us at a time here in our downtown apartment in New York City 24/7 6-7 hours of classroom exercises calibrated have to have experience doing these things and then we take them out three nights out of the week so they can go out and apply the things that they learned in this program The overall pretense of it is from a position of be honest with yourself and others and from there only good things can happen if you give value upfront.

Some of the more detailed specific stuff we go into is again my favorite one how not to creep her out because most people you see some guys hover. They have uncomfortable body language. That’s stuff that has to be corrected immediately because you got to be I a situation where you got to make the person you are interacting with, in this case female comfortable You can’t hover over someone. You can’t stand toe to toe with them when you are talking to them otherwise they are going to feel uncomfortable. starring straight in the face closer to each other     As you get closer feel the tension as women you can feel. That’s why boxers go toe to toe because they are fighting.     As soon as you are standing toe to toe shoulder to shoulder that is two people standing facing what we call facing the rest of the world together it’s a much more, the tension releases. It’s a much more open feeling of the whole entire room, the whole entire space.

You can see feel it part in it. It’s really interesting stuff and that’s one thing you have basically given them a plan so they go out and they can apply these things. The funny thing is you talk to women, the first initial response is you are teaching guys how to get laid how to pick up chicks After they spend time with us they see, “Wow these are cool guys that aren’t throwing pickup lines at us and looking at me as I am a piece of meat.” What they find out by the at the end, they will not date anyone taken one of our programs. That is the biggest testimonial former female male client dating. It’s a good feeling I hope that answers some of your questions of what we cover specifically

Alissa Kriteman:  It sounds like you are giving guys a live experience of what you are teaching out there in the field. You are talking to women. I think, myself included, women want to have sex but like you said, we don’t want to be creeped out about.  It sounds so mental. I wonder in week long program you do anything to get them in their body. There is nothing more sexy in his body feeling his muscles doesn’t have to say a word shows up  love that Do you do a little bit of that?

Benjamin Klein: Absolutely. You have to be confident in your own skin. The only way you accomplish that is by going and doing it. Some of these guys never talked to a girl in their life.

Alissa Kriteman: Wow. Sounds like great stuff. We are almost out of time. You sound pretty much like an expert in this field. You studied social dynamics. Where do you see all of this going in the next five to 10 years? It sounds like things are growing. You are getting visibility in the media. What shift do you see happening between men and women, what progress?

Benjamin Klein: I think what you see is people putting down exterior face and becoming more genuine and real with each other and not only in relationships, romantic relationships but in business as well. This will revolutionize online dating. It’s going to revolutionize the way men and women interact and it’s going to stop the constant anxiety that is created by cell phones everything is fast pace and slow down interactions with people where they actually will take the time to be selective and take the time to realize that I don’t have to have someone to make me feel comfortable because I already feel comfortable and I am going to find someone else That’s basically what it boils down to.

Alissa Kriteman: Sounds great. I really appreciate your insight on that. The world can use you Tell us how to find you.

Benjamin Klein: I recommend for everyone to listen to is our Audio series on secrets different You can check all of that out at Theartofcharm.com We have constant live chat to talk to coaches, male and female coaches alike, a lot of good stuff..

Alissa Kriteman: I actually tried that live chat Literally somebody popped on within a minute or two and said “Hey I am so and so how can I help you?” It was really amazing. I was thinking if I actually had a real issue I will get some benefit. I would be checking it out completely professional and very cool so does that get a lot of hits?

Benjamin Klein: It does. It gets a tremendous amount. Our goal is to  talking about media appearances. Our goal life-changing experience It is very important see this stuff, can learn this stuff actually get to see. We have a free intro seminar every three weeks in downtown Manhattan. They are usually full. As much as you can in a five hour free class Saturday afternoon it is just the beginning. Like I said we have over 100 hours of free content on our website. We got everything for men and women. It is really fun stuff so check it out at theartofcharm.com.

Alissa Kriteman: Benjamin Klein thank you very much for joining us today and the hard work that you are doing. It really is great work that definitely transforms. Thank you as a woman who wants to connect and meet powerful guys. Thank you for the work.

Benjamin Klein: Absolutely. We know you want to meet somebody.

Alissa Kriteman: Yay. Yay. I’m jumping up and down. Listeners, join us next week on Just for Women. We are going to be talking to Kim Ellington the only female coach at The Art of Charm. Creating your Feminine Charm. That brings us to the end of the show. Thank you for listening. For texts and transcripts of this show and other shows on the personal life media network please visit our website at personallifemedia.com for a copy of my book Alissa’s “Five Cornerstones for Living Your Dream.”

I’m your host Alissa Kriteman, always expanding your choices here on Just for Women, Dating and Relationships. Tune in next week for more juicy news you can use.

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