Personal Life Media

Transcript

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Announcer: This program is brought to you by personallifemedia.com

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Alissa Kriteman:  Welcome to ‘Just for Women, dating, relationship through sex’. I am your host Alissa Kriteman. This show is dedicated to providing today’s modern women with youthful information from industry experts, in the areas of dating and relationship, sex and health, wealth in abundance.

My goal is to have the information offered on this show support women in making empowered, conscious choices.

On today’s show, I’m so excited. We’re going to talk to Cameron Rafati, a successful men’s coach and women’s coach and former pick-off artist, who’s going to give us this skinny on the ‘Seduction Community’, which is the whole community of men, studying how to relate with women.

On today’s show we’ll discuss what the ‘Seduction Community’ is, how it got created and why it's so popular with men. We’ll discuss how to spot a pick-up artist, and what a woman can do to attract the right man into her life.

We’re also going to answer an email from a ‘Just for Women’ listener who had some serious concerns about this ‘Seduction Community’.

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Cameron Rafati:   A lot of the media loves to scare women about men that are going to take advantage of them, and take advantage of their emotions and sleep with them and never talk to them again and do whatever they are going to do.

The majority of these guys, their intention is not to sleep with as many women as they can, the majority of these men just want to find meaningful relationships, and they just want to socialize themselves with their environment.

Most of them have not had that many sexual partners in their life and they’d really intent to have that many sexual partners. A lot of very insecure ones want to go for numbers and that’s a minority.

A lot of these guys that have a lack of confidence, that are kind of new to the community, or been in the community for awhile, but they just still can’t get hold of things.

You typically see them in very fleshy clothes, they will come up and they will throw very awkward line at you, what the community refers to is a “nag”, which is kind of a backhanded compliment. They will give you compliments but it will be matched with kind of “a dish” essentially, because they give you what you want, but they don’t give you enough.
 
If the woman is [xx] because disqualifies him as a suitor, and she is like, “ok, well he doesn’t like me, but he just gave me a compliment, I want to talk to this guy, because he is not after me just for sex”

Number one girls stop traveling, body language number two. Number three pick three celebrities that you actually like to watch. Number four and this one is very, very important; work on your inner passions.

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Alissa Kriteman:  So Cameron thank you so much for being on ‘Just for Women’ today.

Cameron Rafati:   Alissa thank you very much.

Alissa Kriteman:  So, you know I discovered Neil Strauss book ‘The Game’ awhile back, and every since I opened it and started reading it and heard all these terms and things, I’ve been really wanting to talk to someone about what this community is all about, excited to get the inside tracks, I’m really excited to talk to you.

Cameron Rafati:   Great, great absolutely.

Alissa Kriteman:  So let me just tell the audience a little bit about who you are: Cameron Rafati is a serial entrepreneur with our batch, commercial real estate program buster, doubly love that, he’s a successful PD coach for women and men. He’s a musically inclined Sunday at the film festival, best score nominee.

And I wonder if that scheduled music or something else, we will soon find out. He’s working on his first solo album, due to be released in early 09 and I think, I think you put a new meaning on the term ‘Tall, Dark and Handsome’. He is six – six

Cameron Rafati:   Oh come on.

Alissa Kriteman:  That is tall. I do not like certain challenges that cover tomb six-six, I mean not as seriously though.

Cameron Rafati:   Well I can’t fit in airplanes, I can’t fit in small cars, I pretty much can’t fit anywhere, except that I bump my head everywhere I go. But I  do the best I can to keep the best posture I can in everyday living, so it's very though being six-six but it definitely have it's perks.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, what’re the perks?

Cameron Rafati:   [Laughing] Pretty much everything else.

Alissa Kriteman:  And women just kind of like, do they just like gaze up at you, because you’re good looking, I saw your picture.

Cameron Rafati:   You’ve just thrown all the compliments this morning, Wow!

Alissa Kriteman:  Guys who are die for every appreciation, right?

Cameron Rafati:   Guys love appreciation and admiration, thank you.

Alissa Kriteman:  [laughing] Now you are open? Alright let’s get to it, we don’t have much time. I’m dying to talk to you about this ‘Seduction Communities’.

Cameron Rafati:   Let’s do it.

Alissa Kriteman:  ‘Seduction Community’ Neil Strauss, tell me what you know, I know this started, I don’t know, in the eighties, why don’t I let you tell us about it?

Cameron Rafati:   Well actually the ‘Seduction Community’, I think has been around for centuries and centuries. But in the recent, I’d say probably last five years even, since this book came out it is just, it's been like a fire stone throughout the world.

There’s been a lot of negative common confrontation with this community, because I think it's very fear-based with a lot of women.

Now there is, ever since the kind of evolution of the ‘Women’s movement’ which a section of the city is made very popular. Men are starting become a lot more intimidated, because women are socially so much more dynamic than men are these days.

From when it comes to the work force, when it comes to sexually, I mean it's incredible the ability women have to adapt, to a changing world, is so much more than men that we typically tend to feel very insecure. In fact I’m seeing more men these days becoming more emotional around women.

I think a lot of women would agree with me, because thinks we really don’t know what to do with ourselves. Men, when it comes to school, universities, are scoring less than women are. Colleges are having hard time, I‘ve just read something the other day, colleges are having much harder time to keep the balance fifty-fifty with men and women, because there are so many women that are exceeding men.

So, I think the pick-up community has been very popular, recently because men need some kind of way to, re-secure ties, they get themselves in this world sexually and socially.

Alissa Kriteman:  I love that word [cross talking].

Okay, so basically, basically you’re saying, women, we were finger-pressed, we were like, “alright we’re going to boast, we are going to burn our bras we are going to do what we want” and men were like, “yeah, yeah okay we’ll do it with you, we’ll have sex with you too and it's okay, let’s do it, let’s do it”.

And it got sort of out-of-control, kind of crazy, women started to want something a little bit different from men. We started getting jobs, taking care of ourselves financially and all the ways that men traditionally have taken care of women.

All kind of things going on, ‘Alpha females’, ‘Cruel Girls’, right just like all kinds of terms out there. Women are more and more clamoring for their empowerment and what we’re hearing too is that aren’t any guys out there, who as you said can adapt to the women who have grown in power in a lot areas where they weren’t empowered. But now they are looking for men to match them.

Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely.

Alissa Kriteman:  So would you say that, this community of guys, because from what I’m reading and researching about this whole ‘Seduction Community’ is designed to help men socially interact with women in a variety of ways.

So okay, that’s really what’s going on here, so why does it have such a bad rap?

Cameron Rafati:   You know, I was watching Dr. Phil the other day, and something, I started getting very irritated because they were bringing on pick-up artist and people and the community and because a lot of the media loves to scare women about men that are going to take advantage of them and take advantage of their emotions and sleep with them and never talk to them again, and doing what they are going to do.

I’ve seen more men and this is why it is so good for women, the majority of these guys are not, their attention is not to sleep with as women as they can. The majority of these men just want to find meaningful relationships and they just want to socialize themselves with their environment.

And believe me, I’ve talked to numerous amounts of guys like this and most of them have not had that many sexual partners in their life and they really intend to have that many sexual partners. A lot of the very unsecured ones want to go for numbers and that’s a minority.

I was watching Dr. Phil and it was just scaring women all over the country, all over the world, whoever was watching about these kinds of sleazy that come in and they are all dressed in shiny shirts and they have sex with women and they are back on the prow and they are out to get you.

I think it is the feared most fantastic thing I’ve ever seen, these guys are coming up with fantastic interesting creative dates, they are learning how to communicate with women as opposed to standing back in a bar corner looking creepy and staring. It's just an incredible thing for a lot of men, but some men abuse it.

I think it is a, there’s this more positives than negatives about the community and I am not defending the community parse because I’m not really in it anymore, and I have my own reasons, which I can get into later but I still think that it's a very positive thing for the women’s movement right now.

Alissa Kriteman:  And it's positive for the women’s movement because at least guys who never had a chance with women are starting to become social and maybe connect with women who didn’t have a chance with guys, who are maybe way too shy to even get out there her self.

Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely, absolutely.

Alissa Kriteman:  Let’s talk about this split that’s happening, so if the ‘Seduction Community’ has crazy guys who are in Dr. Phil talking, almost like a sort, what’s it called when an animal traps it's pray? [laughing]

Cameron Rafati:   Don’t be caught in the bear trap.

Alissa Kriteman:  You know and either I have to say, “I’ve seen my share and I’m in this world”. So I’ve definitely seen a lot of these guys. So are saying that there is a split now with guys who are out there with a notch on the dealt kind of mentality, against guys who just want to learn to socialize with women?

Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely, and I think that the more men become secure in their sexuality in this world, the more they are going towards the holistic out, as opposed to the sleazy notch on the bell guys.

The ‘notch on the bell guys’ are people that have serious sexual issues and I know girls that are notch on the bell, they call the notch on the bell rap because they have their own issues as well. But I think that the more men develop that confidence, the more they are actually going to become, go the holistic out when they feel they are equals with the women sexually in this world.

Alissa Kriteman:  Alright, so why do these guys makeup this one word names like ‘Provo’ and ‘Funnel’ and ‘Mystery’ like. What’s that all about, if they are trying to be authentic real men, why makeup a name?

Cameron Rafati:   That’s a very good question and most of the guys that I’ve always worked with and friends of mine they never go by what they call is an ‘Avatar’ because, one of these guys came out of [xx] and all these like [xx].

one of these guys, they played macho when they are back, they are back in [xx] and they did left-right, A-B, or front backs, left-right starts, and they were able to do whatever they wanted in the game, and they want a way to become that superhero, that they’ve always envisioned, that their inner self where they could say like, “I’m going to call myself, ‘Hooper’ [xx]”.

I’m trying to think something funnier than that, but the point is that they keep like a whole and the excuses, and I can understand and that’s I think a lot of people can as well, I want to put my real name out there, I want to have people call me ‘super sleek winner’ as opposed to sell babies, you know what I mean?

Alissa Kriteman:  This is what I’m talking about, I think this is where we can start to poke holes in this whole community, and I read this guy Mr. [xx] without being real with women and I’m like, but his name is ‘style’ and it's like ‘[xx].

So I find it hard to believe that these guys who say that they are wanting to really connect and become secure with themselves, how is having a manicure security? And if they are coming from this, like they want their superhero inner thing to come out, why not just let it come out, what’s wrong with the John Doe and relating to a woman from that place.

So, okay alright let’s talk about it. How can women pick? [laughing] we’ll get to that in second segment. How can women spot pick-up buyers, what is the sign?

Cameron Rafati:   Okay, they are so easy to spot, it's like you go to a zoo and you see, like a polar bear in the cage. You know about the Polar Bear at the zoo, it's so easy to spot. A lot of these guys that have a lack of confidence, that are kind of new to the community or been in the community for awhile but they just still can’t get hold of things.

You typically see them in very fleshy clothes, they will come up to you and if you’re a woman, if you listen to ‘Just for Women’ podcast with Alissa Kriteman, you’re going to be so, your inner confidence is going to be so incredible and your intuition is going to be so on point that you will be able to spot these men.

Alissa Kriteman:  Ladies I’m not paying him to say that.

Cameron Rafati:   No, she is not actually

Alissa Kriteman:  Thank you, thank you.

Cameron Rafati:   I’ll give you my mail address, you can check afterwards. They will come up and will a throw a very awkward line at you, what the community refers to as a nag, which is kind of a backhanded compliment. Women are using autopilot in their everyday living and men typically are never on autopilot.

So what men will do is they will come up and they will give you a compliment to, they will give you a compliment but it will be matched with kind of a dish essentially, because, the reason is, is because they give you what you want but they don’t give you enough, and if the women is entreat because he disqualifies him as a suitor, and she is like, “okay well he doesn’t like me but he just gave me a compliment, I want to talk this guy because he is not after me just for sex”.

Alissa Kriteman:  Alright hold on, so compliment with a dish, sounds like, “Hi I like your dress to be nice if it was in another color that actually bright up the highlights in you hair” like.

Cameron Rafati:   You are right on, for example they will come up to you and they will go, and guys have done this before and girls do that, they’ve informed me they do this and this is really, this is from the game, guys take it for bait them from a book and they go up to a girl and they go, “oh! Your hair is really pretty, is it fake?”, or they will come up and they’ll say, and awhile back I did this and it fairly worked, I won't do it any more but of course in good intentions.

I would go up to a girl, initially when I got in this before I got out now I would go up and I’d say, “That’s a really cool dress, hold on a second”, and then I would pick off a piece of length, when there wasn’t any length offered dress and then I would continue, “That’s really cool dress”.

And then the girl would be just so thrown off and so especially really pretty girls will be very insecure and I start feeling bad after awhile when I did that. I’m like, “This is not the just the way to do it”.

Coming up to people and giving them a backhanded compliment, just like it feel better my self is not the way I want to live my life.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah I think that’s pretty interesting because it sounds like men are approaching women, insecure men are approaching insecure women according to you.

Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely

Alissa Kriteman:  And they are all trying to get along and so, alright ladies I just want you to pay attention that if you are getting a compliment with some kind of weird comment, and there is probably a guy who’s after what, like why he didn’t do that. If doesn’t want sex, what does he want?

Cameron Rafati:   Well you know what, it might not be, it might not be for sex, it might just be that he want to be able to go on that night knowing that he talked to a girl he was attracted to, supposed to being sweltered or looked at it as very creepy.

Sometimes guys will do this to take women off that autopilot mode, so that they can actually engage in conversation. Remember there is a lot of women out there, that are so insecure of themselves, they don’t do anything to better their hearts and their womanhood. I guess you could say.

Alissa Kriteman:  You are saying.

Cameron Rafati:   I’m saying like a mother right now, there’s not a lot of women out there that try to better themselves, and so what they typically do is every man that comes and talks to them in any social setting they will swat away, they’ll swat down.

They will look at them as he is creepy and the men’s going to go, “I’m gone, hi I’m not creepy, I’m a good guy. I’m not a rapist, don’t look at me like a rapist” and then help bad for himself and then he won't talk to women and she won't talk to men. Then we just have a downward spiral.

So a lot of men do this just to engage, engage, just to engage with a women.

Alissa Kriteman:  Alright, this is why I have my show because I want women to be empowered, to be the kind of women that can stand there in her power and say whatever guy is coming up to her, with whatever he has to say with her head up, their eyes open looking deeply into his sole, knowing full well that she is a complete whole and lovely being experience.

Cameron Rafati:   Oh yes

Alissa Kriteman:  And so, this is what I am saying that women are doing that work, we’ve been doing it for a really long time, and I think what’s happening is that guys are freaking out because women are like, “We want guts”, we don’t want guys coming up to us and picking our shirts, paying some sweet thing. “No I’m not going to buy you a drink” whatever thing.

Cameron Rafati:   I completely agree.

Alissa Kriteman:  I mean its like; it just seems like this whole creepy world. But I understand like I really do understand that this is how it going historically and this is where we are now and that’s why I am talking to you, because women want something more and so in the segment we’re going to take a break.

We’re going to talk about, what women can do to actually maybe cut through some of this chaotic mumbo-jumbo jogging of the pick-up artist and we’ll start to connect with men.

I’m Alissa Kriteman your host at ‘Just for Women’ dating relationships with sex I’m speaking with Cameron Rafati. Pick-up artist who is on his way actually to be an amazing fare, yeah Cameron? 

Cameron Rafati:   Yes ma’am hopefully.

Alissa Kriteman:  Talk more about that in a minute. So we’ll be right back, stay tuned.

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Alissa Kriteman:  We’re back I’m Alissa Kriteman your host at ‘Just for Women’ dating, relationships and sex. We’re speaking with Cannon-Cameron [laughing]

Cameron Rafati:   We’re speaking with Cameron.

Alissa Kriteman:  Right from the East Coast and right now I’ve been in Boston for two weeks, so I’ve lost the ability to pronounce my arts, and so Cameron, rap the key. Oh my god we’re taking to him about ‘Seduction Community’ pick-up artist, what to look for, what to watch out for.

Now I want to talk to you about, things women can do to really attract a man into their life without necessarily all this stuff.

Cameron Rafati:   Let’s do it.

Alissa Kriteman:  What you got for me?

Cameron Rafati:   Okay, first how, here’s four things that women can do to really find the right man in your everyday life. And the pick-up artist all the pick-up stuff, majority of these guys are not right for you and you can spot them if you have that type of intuition and you really follow these four things.

In addition to a lot of things that are out there, but here’s what based on a lot of interviews I’ve had, this is really what I think attracts the right man.

Number 1: Girls stop frowning, please. A smart man, a man that’s going to be right for you, he’s not going to be attracted to the fact that you are frowning and you’re walking around like, like you are walking around like a super model and you’re trying to deter people from talking to you in certain situations.

The creepy pick-up guys, or the creepy whatever guys are going to want to talk to you because of this, this is very interesting. Men have two emotional states, one of them is the ‘conquer state’ the other one is the ‘pedestal state’. This is what I call for that. When a man sees a woman that is frowning, he typically does not her on a pedestal, like she is this, goddess that he wants her to be, he goes, “Oh you are frowning, so I’m going to do ever,” this is sub-consciously, especially with a lot of single man.

They’ll look at a woman like that, they’ll go, “Okay she’s frowning, she’s probably” can I say bitch on the show?

Alissa Kriteman:  Sure.

Cameron Rafati:   She’s probably a bitch, so therefore I’m not going to be real, I’m going to lie, do whatever I can to try to conquer her, sexually so she turns that frown right side up. Now that’s going to offend a lot of people, but a lot of men think like that.

And typically those women that are angry and they don’t want to talk to men, but the man is attracted to them, he’s going to look at it from a ‘Cause a Caveman’ perspective. Really you are really frowning like that, oh I’ll show you.

And because he’s sexually very insecure with a beautiful woman that’s a bitch walking through, forget all these men, like bitches stuff, it’s not the case; men want to sub-consciously conquer bitches.

But a woman that actually betrays incredible qualities that is cautioning, that it has an incredible walk, a man is not even going to think sexually about you. He’s almost going to go, “Wow! I want to marry that girl”, before he even thinks about having sex with you.

Alissa Kriteman:  That’s really interesting stuff; I never really heard put in this way that men actually have these emotional things that are so in contrast to one another just by what a woman is giving off.

Cameron Rafati:   It's incredible, and again, I’ve tested this with so many men that I think that are confident, very fantastic, I mean they’re over achievers, they are amazing people and everyone of them say this thing.

So,

Alissa Kriteman:  Hold on, I shouldn’t say this say, I’ve heard that men want to make women happy, that’s actually a sort of sweet intention behind wanting to turn that frown into a smile. But and that’s kind of what you’re saying here but there’s a sort of natural side to it where it’s not what get activated is not a protective kind of masculine energy, but more like a, like you said ‘caveman type’ want to conquer one of this [xx].

Cameron Rafati:   If he is a strong man, if he is a strong confident man he won't even pay attention to the woman that walks around with a frown on her face.

Sometimes, I want to say Alissa, sometimes there will be a girl walking on the street and I’ll stop and I’ll look at her, and I’ll go, “would you just lighten up, Cheese” and I’ll walk away and she’ll be like, memory malfunction, she’ll be like a robot doesn’t know what to say because no men actually goes up to her and says, “Hi just relax, you don’t have frown all the time” and then walk away, because I have no intention of getting her number or anything.

A lot of men that are very confident won't do with women that act that way. Men do not like bitches. Insecure men want to be validated by gaining whatever they need from bitches.

Alissa Kriteman:  Got it. So that’s really a good point for women to hear is that, insecure men will be attracted to bitches to conquer them.

Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely.

Alissa Kriteman:  Alright what’s the second point, stop frowning point two?

Cameron Rafati:   Body language number 2. Body language is so huge, the first three and than the forth gets kind of more metaphysical, but number 2 body language.

Girls and guys that are listening, if you are in a bar, I know there’s a lot of people hold their drink in front of them and a lot of people hunch over. And a lot of women, that when they are cold or in certain social situations, they will fold their arms.

You can be a very confident person but just very cold and you’re just folding your arms, but the problem is, it's not attracting the right people when you have a certain type of body language.

So when you are shopping at whole foods or when you’re going to make some copies, or going to start boxer, or going out with your friends at night. Women always, if you can, always keep a straight back and your hands to your side, you’re open you’re not closed off.

You’re open for any obstacle that comes your way, and that really gives off an incredible signal that men that are very confident, because they’ll go right up to you, the confident man, but the man that are kind of creeps, the creepy guys are not going to come talk to you, because they are so intimidated, they are like this, “No way, nothing I can say or do is going to make this woman be in the mean”.

But the guys that are very confident will approach you, because you are the same animal. It's practically body language is so important just to attract somebody that’s very similar to you.

Alissa Kriteman:  Okay,

Cameron Rafati:   And a lot of girls and guys just don’t have very good body language and they use whatever excuse they use, “Oh I’m not used to it”, well you’re not used to standing up straight and looking proud and swaying a little bit, do a little shy shimming when you walk around.

Because you’ve never done it before, but I tell you, you see those people walking into a room and they have fantastic body language, they can be poorly insecure inside but nobody knows that because they just light up a room and they goes like, “Wow! That person is somebody”.

Alissa Kriteman:  Alright, so even body language could be a mask in this pick-up artist rapture of things that they are using, so even that isn’t necessarily an indicator of who we’re dealing with, because they’ve just learned how to maneuver their bodies.

Cameron Rafati:   That’s true, that’s very true.

Alissa Kriteman:  You’re telling us how to attract a man into our life. Okay so, straight back, head up, arms unbend.

Cameron Rafati:   Yes seriously, seriously it's kind of hard to say on the phone but, it's so incredible for women to have good posture, good body language, they are open because the creepy guys are going to run away and the good guys are going to come into your life, because they’re like, “Wow! That’s the woman I want to put on a pedestal opposed to conquer”

Alissa Kriteman:  Okay, fit to know.

Cameron Rafati:   So, number 3, and because we’re a celebrity culture, pick three celebrity girls, this is really awesome. I’m not really into this celebrity culture as much, but I think this is really important because that’s really kind of what we become in this country and I think that there’s some good things you can get out of it.

So pick three celebrity’s women that you actually like to watch. For example: Cameron Diaz in ‘Something about Mary’, I know it's an old movie but, man I tell you, everything she did in that movie was just like it George Coiner or Bred Tip would do in these movies where all the women go “Oh my god, they are so hot”.

Cameron Diaz in that movie, the way she interacted with everyone around her, the way she talk to everybody, where she talk to, her brother all those people, it was incredible. Her body language, everything was on point.

Another one Keith Hudson is fantastic, Keith Hudson is not a super model, she’s very pretty but she’s not like Hyde Colon, when she walks around her movies and she does what she does, she attracts so many men because the way she carries herself.

So pick three celebrities that you really enjoy, doesn’t have to be those two and start UTubing them and studying how they talk, how they hold themselves, how their arms move, almost mimic that in your life because it will become a part of you.

It sounds very fake and surface when I’m saying this but, for example for me, I study George Clouding, I studied Den Cook and I studied Win Slots. Because those three guys represent my personality better than anybody else, and at first I was like, “This is stupid” and then I started realizing, that it just became a part of me and wasn’t them that was doing it, it was actually things that women were attracted to.

I’m trying to figure how to put that in words, but basically pick three celebrities, study their moves and go from there, and you’ll learn a lot by yourself.

Number four.

Alissa Kriteman:  Wait, I want to add some doubts because I took a course just recently and I think a lot of women can hear this and maybe have a reaction like, “Screw that, I’m not going to try that anyway, a celebrity who probably isn’t even saying who knows what’s going on in her life, she probably does both sides”.

So you really, with women, you have to be really careful about what you say to them about emulating a celebrity. The deeper cut on this is, what happens is, men support each other, they are not as critical as women are to each and to themselves.

So if guys are going out and there’re do help each others out. It will be like, “Man you got to be this” and “Man you got to do that”. If a guy has a goal, the guys are like, “Oh! You almost got it man, it's okay”.

Where women are like, constantly cutting themselves, “I’m not putting up, I don’t like this, I don’t…” and as like you said, there is this world that the insecurity that women have towards each other, I tell you a woman walks in who’s elegant, opening the room, if guys are looking at her, it's women are like, “Bitch”, you know what I’m saying.
[laughing]

That’s kind of happening, this kind of like, try more territorial things happening, Where guys don’t necessarily have, where guys are like “Kee-man cool”.

Cameron Rafati:   ‘Kee-Man Cool’ loves when girls think this guy is awesome. That’s awesome.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, well it kind of notes, this is what they were saying in this course and we actually had to do exactly what you’re saying, but it wasn’t in that like, competitive things like.

Cameron Rafati:   No

Alissa Kriteman:  We actually took a look at what are the areas in our selves, this is in Alice and Armstrong court lady, so I just have to plug that course, because Alice and Armstrong does so much amazing work for women. It's called the queen, ‘The Queen Course’ and how women can be more queens in their life.

So we did this exercise kind of similar to what you’re saying, where you’re said, “I want to be graceful like Kris Kelly”. I want to be cute like Keith Hudson; I don’t want to be Keith Hudson.

Cameron Rafati:   Exactly.

Alissa Kriteman:  But there’s this point, that’s very sort of, I’m fine who I am and if there was some way that I would like to be, it would be like this person. But it's really, it's so touchy and sensitive for women because we’re so used to beating ourselves up that it's really important to make that distinction and I think it's a little bit easier for guys.

Not that women don’t support each other but it's just that kind of like primary reaction where, the competition not sort of, maybe because we think that there so few guys and if this amazing women, who has it all together walks in, it instantly activates that which we don’t feel.

Cameron Rafati:   That’s very interesting.

Alissa Kriteman:  So if you’re trying to add that piece.

Cameron Rafati:   That’s really profound actually, that’s really interesting you said that and I really appreciate that because our skies were very calculated, we look at, we’ll look at a movement and go, “okay I’m going to do that movement”.

But women kind of embodied, if I’m correct, they kind of embody the whole character and the whole background and they kind of take everything as opposed to looking at one certain kind of facial movement or one voice inflection, they kind of. Am I correct?

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, it's more, it's more like, yeah I would definitely say it's an embodiment of, but it's also, it's coming from on perfect ends, versus take something wrong ends.

And so, I think that’s the point to make with that if you’re going to share that with women, studying how they are, that you perfect the way you are, and you’re not studying Keith Hudson because you think there’s something wrong with you. You’re studying Keith Hudson because she interacts with the kind of guys, or it's harder for celebrities though.

Because we don’t know films, it's not about the celebrity itself, it's

Cameron Rafati:   It's about their acting, they are actors really.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah it's about the energy and the flow of it and sort of experience that it evokes, versus the person who is representing it.

Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely, I love how eloquent you put that, thank you. [laugh]

Alissa Kriteman:  I think you’re going to be my new PR guide or something.

Cameron Rafati:   Yes seriously, it's the way guys communicate, when we communicate something, it's so great that you actually put that in a certain way, because at the end of the day regardless of how many women I coach or how many women I talk to about these things, I still communicate like a man and that something that wise men, guys that are listening all definitely need to work on, so I really appreciate that.

Alissa Kriteman:  Well maybe you and I will coach people together?

Cameron Rafati:   Let’s do it. [laughing]

Alissa Kriteman:  Alright give us step number 4, you’re so great.

Cameron Rafati:   Number 4, and this one is very, very important. Work on your inner passions. That sounds very thin air, very enlightened in metaphysical, but the point is that men are attracted to women, certainly not passionate about just jumping in a relationship. Find what you’re passion about and do it and focus on it and don’t focus on any men along the way.

You’ll attract a man so quickly, such a good guy, so quickly in your life if find that passion and you focus on it as opposed to focusing on him. It's like think about, you’re on a train, when you’re on a train and you’re going 40 miles an hour, you’re not thinking about really what’s on past you, you’re going your destination.

And I think a lot of men and women intentionally want to make a stop, ten, fifteen, twenty stops all along that railway when they see something that make sense to them, don’t even think of it that way.

It will make you happier and more confident if you, if you really stop focusing on men along the way and really focus on your passions, forget your family, don’t care what you’re mother or father or grandma is saying to you, you need to be in a relationship, if this for a women that are single.

You need to be in a relationship, you need to get married and you do this. Forget society’s expectations, you find your passion and head towards that passion as hard as you can. A really great way to do this is start conversing with random people, fifteen minutes a day.

When it comes to the bagger at whole foods, that I have Down syndrome or the mailman that comes up and delivers your mail, start conversing with people and try it out, ask them what they’re passionate about.

That will take you off of autopilot mode and you’ll start learning, that you know what, every single person I come into contact with has his own passions. They are not just here as a desk clerk, waiting to go home and be a nobody and then come back and then work as a desk clerk tomorrow.

They actually have passions; they have dreams in their life, and by sharing that energy by people that you’ll come into contact with, you can actually find your passions and you could, the world becomes such a beautiful place and you’re not thinking about men.

You’re thinking about your passion, your destination and the thing that’s going to happen along the way is the thing that going to take your life to next level.

Alissa Kriteman:  I really like, I appreciate that because I just saw the movie, ‘The Women’, and that’s what happens to Mac Ryan, her relationship falling apart. She might lose this side of herself and I think that’s what happens a lot of times with women.

They loose their passion and of course at the end, when you all go see it, you’ll know that she finds her passion again and her man starts getting interested in her again and I think.

Cameron Rafati:   Exactly

Alissa Kriteman:  The whole time he just missed that fire that comes from a woman passionate in going out and taking risk for.

Cameron Rafati:   Oh my god, it is the most unbelievably attractive, sexiest thing on the planet, when a woman has a passion something other than me is a man.

Alissa Kriteman:  Exactly.

Cameron Rafati:   Oh my god, it's incredible, you could hit the gym for 50 years and do your make up and where the cue is closed, but if you have a passion for something other than getting in a relationship or taking care of a man. Oh! Guys melt; guys don’t know what to do with themselves.

You’re on the highest pedestal you can ever imagine and that the right guy is going to climb up there, he’s going to do whatever he can to climb up there and meet you.

Alissa Kriteman:  I think that’s why, I think a woman who is really cast into here passions and they are in her dreams; I think the seductive guys don’t even come into their fear, because

Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely not.

Alissa Kriteman:  I’m starting to see what you’re saying is these guys will have to learn this roads and sort of mentor, I like to call them mentor masturbations about how it seems to relate with women.

It's really based on, I think some of it is a true desire to connect but a lot of it is insecurity and its like, “You go get your wives together and then, yeah you can come and talk to me”. And I could see where a woman is passionate about what she is doing; all that scrap is just not interesting. At least for me, I think it's very uninteresting.   

So that leave us, we kind have to go here I’m so bunked, because I just love talking to you, that insight is amazing. But why did you leave the pick-ups [laughing and inaudible]

Cameron Rafati:   I actually left the pick-up community because I got to a point where I became so confident with my self and happy with my self that I didn’t need anymore.

And also the other thing it was that. Ever since I won the nominations over at [xx] this year, I’m recording an album, I really want to get back out there, back in the music and I just think that, chasing around, coaching guys and things like that is kind of thing of the pass for me.

I’d rather pursue my passions as opposed to try help other people, other guys to attract women in their lives just because that’s getting me nowhere and music is really my true passion.

That’s really one of the reasons that I left the community is because I really want to focus a hundred percent in music and also in coaching girls how to pick-up guys without seeming too forward, and I think I have a lot of very interesting ideas and they’ve worked.

It’s just been incredible, they are more respective, guys are like, “Oh yeah, let me teach you something” and I’m “okay whatever dude”. I’d rather teach girls, they’ll actually listen to me. So that’s really, coaching women and pursuing my music career, is really been my thing.

Alissa Kriteman:  Awesome, where do the women find you?

Cameron Rafati:   Women can find me, you can go at www.cameronrafati.com . Girls email me and I’ll send you a list of things you can do to attract a guy without seeming to afford a fees, like too nervous to talk to you at whole foods at lunch time and that’s I’ve got some great ideas cr@cameronrafati.com.

I’m on MySpace, I’m on Facebook, come check out the tracks, Babe, my website leads directly to my MySpace, keep in touch with me again. I answer every single one of my emails and I keep in touch with a lot of people, and if you need any kind of advice let me know, and also give me a feedback on the songs, come anything.

Alissa Kriteman:   That’s adorable, so are you single with your status?

Cameron Rafati:   I am currently single, yes. [laughing]

Alissa Kriteman:  Oh La la!! That’s all for

Cameron Rafati:   Therefore I’m not a relationship expert, I’m an approach coach. [laughing] Until I get a girlfriend then I’ll become a relationship expert, I guess.

Alissa Kriteman:  I know that you’re an approach coach; you know it’s something you said, it's seems to me in hearing your story about how you, front pick-up, left pick-up it sounds like it's a face in a man’s life and his evolution as a man.

Cameron Rafati:   Exactly, mine, it was mine.

Alissa Kriteman:  It was yours, yeah because I know and I have friends who found that community and they would start wearing rings and different shirts and I would look at them and I’m like, “Ok what’s that huge F watch that you have there like, you know you look like Pete Daddy or whatever” and it's like and I didn’t understand what was happening that they had so much social anxiety and for years I would see this thing. Then now they sort of moved on and we talked about it and I think that’s why I understand them, wanted to talk so much to you about this and I liked it, it's a state in the evolution of man.

It seems, I can see why guys would get stuck there, and that’s what’s said to me is that guys would never get to the place where they feel confident enough to be themselves in their raw, open hearted, emotional. However they are

Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely

Alissa Kriteman:  They connected with a woman and just be themselves.   
 
Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely

Alissa Kriteman:  That is what I think women ultimately really want, whether we know that or not, whether we can attract that or not and I think that’s the kind of relationship that really changes the world when a woman can be fully empowered in herself and man can be fully empowered in himself, and you go from that place.

Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely, and it had its happening a lot these days, it's happening at an incredible speed right now. So many men coming out of the community and going into more of holistic type of approach, I think is really where things are heading these days.

It's just going to be very incredible to see, it's fantastic for women.

Alissa Kriteman:  I know that guys have, I know a lot of guys listen to my show actually and that’s how you found me, so what on recommendation, I know that they’ll be authentic, men program that’s out there that really helps men with a holistic approach to get what they want in life with women and in general. Are there any recommendations you can give to men?

Cameron Rafati:   You mean, as far as products?

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, there aren’t pick-up seduction stuff, like the next evolution of, like you said a holistic approach to connection.

Cameron Rafati:   I think there is couple of things. One of them, fantastic podcast, I used to listen to a lot, that said the way I found your course by listening your shot, learned a lot more about women than I ever have.

But a great way for guys to start out is read ‘The Game’ first half don’t take it seriously, just it’ll give you a boost to say, “Hi, you know maybe I could be more secure than I can” but then after that go to a podcast called pick-uppodcast.com. AJ and Jordan, these guys are fantastic, they’re very holistic, very accomplished, just real people.

They interview a lot of guests which I think are just kind of lame but they’re great. They’ve done a very good job and they’ve really helped a lot of guys that I know become more incredible men. Also there’s a guy by the name of David Wygant who guys and girls listen to, he’s great, he really is, he teaches men how to break down their barriers, break down their social barriers. And he also teaches women, he’s been doing it for twenty years, the movie ‘Hits’ was actually based on him. So, yeah

Alissa Kriteman:  How do you spell his name?

Cameron Rafati:   W Y G A N T.

Alissa Kriteman:  Okay great, David Wygant.

Cameron Rafati:   Steven Wygant, he is good stuff guy, definitely check him out.

Alissa Kriteman:  And also thanks for that. I’d like to mention, there’s a new show on the Personal Life Media network hosted by Tripp Lanier and I did an interview with him, his show is called ‘The New Man’. And again just down to earth real information, real guys, great guests on his show so check that out too.

Cameron I’ve got to go, we so appreciate you to what you’ve done to evolution, that you’ve achieved in your life and that you’re following your own passions because I know that makes a difference in the world of all men and all women are looking for guys like you who will come back and give us the real skinny, so thank you very much.

Cameron Rafati:   Thank you Alissa, what you’re doing by the way is incredible as well and we’re just like, “Weird sound” I’m serious, it's a fantastic show and what you’re doing for women and men is just incredible, do kudos thank you so much for having me on your show.

Alissa Kriteman:  Thank you, thank you and when you stand up ALISSA

Cameron Rafati:   ALISSA    

Alissa Kriteman:  Okay listeners don’t forget you can email me at alissa@personalifemedia.com. I’d like to hear your questions, your comments any idea for topics you have. Oh we forgot to ask that question, but you know what I will blog about it. Because I love, I love answering emails that I get from my listeners so we will put that in.

For text and transcripts of this show and other shows in the Personal Life Media network, just visit personalifemedia.com. And don’t forget you can get a copy of my book “Alissa’s-Four Cornerstones for Living Your Dreams” just go to sacredspa.org and click on the book cover icon.

Cameron Rafati good luck to you, thank you so much.

Cameron Rafati:   I leave the crowd and thank you, good luck to you and all.

Alissa Kriteman:  Thanks for all of your acknowledgments, I feel so blessed.

Cameron Rafati:   Go on change the world

Alissa Kriteman:  one point chance at a time

Cameron Rafati:   Absolutely, we together with the other forty guys will change the world.

Alissa Kriteman:  Tum tat um

Cameron Rafati:   Tum tat um and we will call ourselves ‘Avatars’. Like you will be AK Supreme and we’ll be able to change the world with our avatars.

Alissa Kriteman:  Sounds like a doughnut.

[both laughing]

Cameron Rafati:   Oh my god you’re too much

Alissa Kriteman:  Now we have to go. I’m your host Alissa Kriteman, always expanding choice this year in ‘Just for Women’ dating, relationship & sex. Tune in next week for more juicy news, you can use

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