Episode 42 - MALE MULTIPLE ORGASM:Tantra Energetics For Longer Lasting Lovemaking with Somraj Pokras

Transcript

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This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[music]

Francesca Gentille: Welcome to Sex Tantra and Kama Sutra, bringing you the Soul of Sex. I’m your host, Francesca Gentille and with me today is Somraj Pokras.

Somraj is the founder ofTantraAtTahoe.com, the author of multiple business books and ten tantra books. He’s happily married to a Tantric Shaman for 10 years, although they’ve know each other for 12. And they also have a polyamorous relationship. And today we’re going to be talking about the male multiple orgasms.

Welcome, Somraj.

Somraj Pokras: Thank you.

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Somraj Pokras: It’s really all about energy. That’s what I learned when I was about 50, when I started learning about tantra. The good thing about this method of Tantric Energetics, when I want to spread it and feel my body I can have energetic orgasms. That’s really what male multiple orgasm is all about.

The concept behind it all… in step one which the breath and pelvic muscles are all about... is relaxing. You don’t need the other five steps if you, like a yogi, can command your body and the muscles around your prostate gland not to contract when you get really excited.

You might say that’s the key to male multiple orgasms, is you get into this calm relaxed meditative state where you feel the energy coursing through your body, measuring your level of arousal. Unless you’re relaxed and aware of what’s going on in your body, you can’t do this step.

Francesca Gentille: I am delighted to have you on this show with us.

There’s a journey in sexuality between men and women and we each have our part to play. And when we take on, really take on the accountability for bringing something to the bedroom, that’s when real magic happens.

You know, in the culture we think we’re supposed to do someone? Do you know what I mean? It’s like how we’re doing them. But there’s really something about who we are being and that male multiple orgasm is a huge part of that, isn’t it?

Somraj Pokras: Well, for me it’s kind of like giving back to all those women for all those years I was unaware of, that I was making love with. I was making love with myself, they just happened to be there. So I’m really happy to be able to do something for men all over the world so that they can please their partners.

Francesca Gentille: You know I just want to highlight what you just said: Is that making love with ourselves. You know, in our culture a lot of times we’re just… we’re trained in sex. Like, we’re just there to get off.

You know, I’m there to get off whether I’m by myself, you know, and just rubbing myself or I’m there to get off with you. Your body becomes not this precious thing but a vehicle for me to just get off. And, you know… and that’s what you’re talking about isn’t it? You didn’t know that you were using another person to get off. And now there’s a shift of really pleasing and connecting with your partner.

Somraj Pokras: I don’t want to give a plug for any fast food chain, but Jack in the Box was how I used to think about it before I was enlightened.

Francesca Gentille: [laughs] You know, there’s some pretty sexy concepts in there about Jack in the Box, you know? OK. But, yes, get in, get out; get in, get out. Get over it. And…

Somraj Pokras: Did you ever learn the five F’s that college guys learned? Find them, feel them, fuck them, finger… wait, I got it wrong. Find them, feel them, finger them, fuck them and forget them.

Francesca Gentille: [gasps]

Somraj Pokras: That’s the programming I had as an American college student.

Francesca Gentille: Wow. You know, I didn’t have a penis in this lifetime, so I kind of missed that one. Women also get, you know, screwed up messaging about using men. And when we come to each other with that usery viewpoint, as when my beloved says, he would end up feeling like a wallet on wheels the way that women treated him.

Somraj Pokras: [laughs]

Francesca Gentille: And when we come to each other with that usery way of looking at one another, it just sucks. Our relationships, you know, crash, they burn. They don’t fulfill us.

But here we are in bringing you the Soul of Sex really looking at this other paradigm. And male multiple orgasms …yeah… is a huge part of that. It’s a win, win. Men get to have expanded, extended, multiple orgasms which is delicious for their body and women actually get to feel connected with seeing that. How do guys get there?

Somraj Pokras: Well, it’s really…. For me it was a tantric journey getting there.

Francesca Gentille: Um-hmm.

Somraj Pokras: You know, starting with the first time a woman in college said yes, she’d have sex and I came putting the condom on.

Francesca Gentille: [laughs] I shouldn’t… Do I get to laugh? [laughs]

Somraj Pokras: it wasn’t very fulfilling for her. And that was pretty… it pissed me off, too. You know. It was my first time and I blew it, literally.

Francesca Gentille: And why? I mean… I don’t have a penis...  How does that happen?
Somraj Pokras: It’s really all about energy. And that’s what I learned when I was about 50, when I started learning about tantra. So, there’d been a lot of… should I say, water under the bridge?

Francesca Gentille: [laughs}

Somraj Pokras: And then I started to realize that I was so sensitive and I still am. That’s a good thing about this method of Tantric Energetics is that the energy in my body congealed, it tried to rush out the end of my prick. Well, when I want to spread it and fill my body I can have energetic orgasms. That’s really what male multiple orgasm is all about.

And my print book which came out in the fall in major bookstores titled “Male Multiple Orgasm” is less about the spirit of the soul side of this and more about the energetics of tantra.

But on my website we sell the pure tantric version which teaches people to get into their heart, into the energy-like body that we all are and move the energy into the right place. Connect with your beloved at the heart, fill your body with it and then you can merge your two energy systems and your bodies and your genitals in a delightful way.

Francesca Gentille: You know, I want to talk about that more in some of the tantric steps because it’s an amazing concept…  is to shift from, you know, maybe I’m a premature ejaculator kind of guy and I’m beating myself up about that, to, “Wow! I’m energy-sensitive male who has capacity for filling my whole body with arousing delicious energy and sustaining that for a long time and getting those peaks and waves.

That’s a huge shift and I’m guessing that there was a lot of steps in that journey you just went over really quickly that we can bring to our listening audience… when we come back from a break and a word from our sponsors.

And I just want to encourage everyone to definitely use our sponsors. They’re very handpicked, hand selected by us to be wonderful, organic, very… you know, if… Their jewelry is conflict-free diamonds. And supporting our sponsors supports this show. And we’ll be back in a couple of minutes.

[commercial]

Welcome to Sex Tantra and Kama Sutra bringing you the Soul of Sex. We’re with Somraj Pokras who is the author of “Male Multiple Orgasms” and we’re just talking about how a man can shift from being maybe highly sensitive, or possibly even not sensitive at all, and into something delicious. And how did you do it? I mean, here you were, you came putting on the condom. What was that journey; what was the next step?

Somraj Pokras: Well, my ex-wife was, I think the official medical term is pre-orgasmic, which is better than saying she couldn’t come without an industrial-strength vibrator. And we had wonderful relationship for many years but our sex was kind of mechanical.
We were trying to make her come. So, I just, I had to learn how to last longer, And I used the,  the old traditional social method you learn in the locker room; think about your grandmother, baseball, you know, don’t think about coming. Turn off the energy system of your body so hopefully you’ll last longer.

Well, that helped me a little bit but it really had very limited utility, because what I found was, OK, I can last 10 or 15 minutes no, but I got to the same point; the point where all this energy was pulsing in my penis. And then I didn’t know what to do.

It’s kind of like the urge to come… that’s what I call it in my book… kind of took over my brain, or as we guys like to say, the little head took over from the big head. And then there was an explosion with a wet spot.

Which for me, it’s always been, I couldn’t recover very fast. Some guys can. But for me and now in my 6o’s it might take me a day to get back to the point where I want to make love again and I can have the stamina to do it. So that was my beginning, was just having to try to hold out longer.

And then when I met my tantric goddess of a wife… who I’ve been with now for 12 years... we studied the energetics of merging body, soul, mind and the energies between us, of course. And then I realized I could start spreading the energy. This is what my tantra training basically did. It taught me how to slow down, pace myself using breath, movement, sound, the mind and spread that energy throughout my body.

Francesca Gentille: Let’s stop there for a moment. Is that idea of spreading the energy; normally we fill it all in our genitals. And this actually, for our women that are listening as well, this works on both sides. This part of it is that sense that normally it’s all in the genitals.

And yet Tantra Tao as a lot of other sacred sexuality practices teach us that we can spread it throughout the body and experience more pleasure throughout our whole body as well as for men last much longer. And I’m blessed with a partner that also taught himself to do this and he’s also in his 50’s. And usually after making love many times he chooses when he’s going to ejaculate, because it helps him feel healthier. And helps us have a more vibrant sex life when he doesn’t ejaculate as often.

This will be different for a younger man who normally has a higher, you know, he can be aroused and ejaculate again much more quickly in his teens or his 20’s. But either way even for a young man being able to last a long time is still a gift. And being able to be a choice is still a gift to both people.

So we talked about breath. We talked about breath movement, using the mind. Let’s talk breath first. What is a way that we might, you know, if we’re not conscious that we might be breathing? That it’s like, this is the wrong way; don’t do it this way… and then what is the way that really helps us bring it throughout our whole body?

Somraj Pokras: Well, when you get close to orgasm your metabolism speeds up and so does your breath. And panting is a way of making it feel better when you come. So the ancient tantrics taught us the tantric breath, which is much slower, much deeper in the belly.

I like to teach it as a four-stage process. Take a deep, slow breath through the mouth and then pause for a beat of one. And then maybe let the breath out really slowly for a beat of five or six. And so on. But actually the breath… that’s what I first learned about tantra and it didn’t do anything on its own for me.

And guys are all the time writing me emails and saying, “Hey, I heard you’re suppose to strengthen your pelvic muscles and this doesn’t help me last longer either.”  But you see the concept behind it all and I’ve developed into a six-step formula; because I had a chemistry degree before I became a tantrica so I think of formulas.

And step one, which the breath and the pelvic muscles are all about, is relaxing. In fact, you don’t need anything other. You don’t need the other five steps, if you’re like a yogi; can command your body and the muscles around your prostate gland not to contract when you get really excited.

Francesca Gentille: That sounds pretty wonderful to me.

Somraj Pokras: Boy, that’s pretty advanced.

Francesca Gentille: [laughs] Yeah, I was going to say…

Somraj Pokras: That’s very… so I can tell guys that’s where we’re going but it might be a year or two, you know….

Francesca Gentille: So, I just want to make sure I’m getting this. We have the breath, slowing down the breath. So naturally we have tendency right before we orgasm to be like… [panting] and instead to help one breath is to [inhales] you know, nice, long, deep breath in through the mouth, relax the jaw, relax the belly. And that relaxation is what I’m hearing is so key.

And for women as the female part of this we can have some choices, and this will also be true for men need to increase the libido, anytime we want to increase that sense of arousal is when we go into the faster breathing.

Somraj Pokras: Exactly. And the relaxation is fundamental for both partners.

Francesca Gentille: Mm-hmm.

Somraj Pokras: Because as you switch from lust being what  sweeps you away and the going for it into the tantric mood, the tantric approach or style, which is feeling everything as greatly as you can.

The second step in my formula is sensitivity or awareness. Now women can do this naturally much more. Us guys who are told think about baseball, we, you know, wear six condoms or take some drugs that make you less sensitive. We lose more control over our body by being unaware.

Francesca Gentille: That makes so much sense and I just want to breathe in myself. That sense of compassion for men, the training that men get that disconnects the male and female actually in different ways; that disconnects us from our body, our senses and our emotions. And it makes so much sense.

Thank you for bringing that up that if I’m trained away from sensing my own body and what it’s trying to tell me and sensing my own emotions and the connections available to being human to one another. If I’m trained away from that how can I expect to have a rich, delicious sex life with my partner? And I love that you’re bringing back the feeling and the sensitivity. And I’m guessing that this is a journey for people. I mean, takes some courage to shift that training; doesn’t it?

Somraj Pokras: I’ve had guys who write me and they say, “After I’ve read the introductory chapters of your book suddenly I could last a half an hour.” Because I basically said, “There’s nothing wrong with you; just feel more, enjoy it and go slower.”  

But for most guys, you’re absolutely right. And for me it took… took months of practice to get to a first stage of lasting longer. Now after years of practicing I find that there seems to be more and more, higher and deeper stages I can go to. So it’s not an ending journey.

Francesca Gentille: So it keeps our ability to have better and better sex more, more richly connected delicious sex. It can get better as we age.

Somraj Pokras: Absolutely. It’s… it’s not a road mechanical process anymore with me and my wife because we’re attentive to the moment. We have whims we want to try out. We explore new parts of our body more deeply in new ways. And we don’t have an agenda but because we’re relaxed and sensing everything deeply. Every encounter is like a new work of art.

Francesca Gentille: Mmm, that’s gorgeous. And instead of being swept away by just a primal lust, what we strike to be swept into is a connection of heart, emotion, the moment. You know, our breath, our…. all of our senses. We get swept away into something much bigger, or richer, or deeper.

Somraj Pokras: And I don’t want to put down the passionate lust for quickies….

Francesca Gentille: [laughs]

Somraj Pokras: We still have them, too, at odd and strange places and times. But it’s another style you want to add onto your repertoire; to be long-lasting tantric lover.

Francesca Gentille: So, it’s… it’s something else to enjoy, something else to add.

And when we come back from a word from our sponsors I want to, I want to have our last segment. We have one more segment. Will this be… be long, be long and slow and relaxed? [laughs]

Somraj Pokras: Sounds like a good one and if you want I’ll bring in my modern sexology as taught us. That’s part of the system I think guys need to know about.

Francesca Gentille: Oh, please, bring it all in, Somraj.

Somraj Pokras: [laughs]

And we’ll be back in a moment after a word from our fabulous sponsors.

[commercial]

Francesca Gentille: Welcome back to Sex Tantra and Kama Sutra bringing you the Soul of Sex with Somraj Pokras, author of “Male Multiple Orgasm,” founder of TantraAtTahoe.com.

And we were in that delicious subject of the male multiple orgasms. And we’ve talked about breaths and feelings and relaxation and open to sensitivity and, you know, where ever we are when we begin the process is fine, there’s nothing wrong.

And you talked earlier about something… there was like four different pieces. And what was that and what are they; four different foundational pieces of this.

Somraj Pokras: At Tantra At Tahoe we call the four cornerstones of supreme bliss the fundamental tools that any lover male or female needs to be able to master or run or someone to cultivate condulini energies.

Francesca Gentille: And condulini energy is what?

Somraj Pokras: This is the life force that really causes us to be passionate, sexy, to have desire. And it also animates all parts of your body, mind and soul. It’s the ancient term for life-force energy.

Francesca Gentille: And that gets us back to Eros. Eros is not just sex or erotic or genitals; Eros just generally means the life force.

Somraj Pokras: Exactly so that that life force…  sexual or orgasmic or whatever you want to call that energy,  that animated force… to learn how to guide it and channel it as we’re talking about for male multiple orgasm away from your genitals to feel your whole body and now exchange at multiple levels with your beloved.

Now, the four cornerstones are the breath as we’ve talked about to pace yourself and to intensify when you want, to calm yourself when you want.

And moving…  Obviously, sex is going to have movement involved in it. But the way that you move your body…  both the muscles inside as we’ve talked about in the pelvis and the way that your pelvis moves… the way that you relax your body so that you’re more sinuous like a snake. This allows the energy to flow through your body and connect with your partner as well.

So we have breath and movement we’ve talked about already. Maybe the most challenging one, especially for a lot of the guys that I teach, is sound. We’re so inhabited even though we think we’re wild and crazy guys, we tend to be inhibited. We might have to grunt or scream briefly when we come, but using the voice to express how you’re feeling, to moan, to open up your throat and let the energy flow through that part of your body to your mind; this is an essential part of energy mastery.

Francesca Gentille: And this could be any moment, so if your lover caresses your face rather than to just be silent, you might just have a little… [sighs].

Somraj Pokras: Oh, baby!

Francesca Gentille: Oh, baby! [laughs]

Somraj Pokras:  Even that, you know.

Francesca Gentille: Oh, baby! [laughs]

Somraj Pokras: That’s a little bit, you know… a little bit pop, but still… moaning, opening the voice, saying something sweet women love. We know that.

Francesca Gentille: Yeah, I’m raising my hand, I’m raising my hand. [laughs]

Somraj Pokras:  You’re raising it, good. That inhibition to open our voice prevents us to flow and channel the energy which guys need to know how to do for a multiple orgasm.

Francesca Gentille: So, definitely bringing in the sound and sound could be a moan, it could be an “Oh, baby”, it could be a “Yes” and so anything… just start getting some sound in there throughout the process so to every moment of being in bed with one’s beloved let the voice… give voice to what’s happening in the body.

Somraj Pokras: Certainly. And the fourth cornerstone is really the, you might say the spiritual one… the comprehensive one of where do you focus your mind, how do you relax your body so that you can tune in your consciousness.

We like to think of it as, to give it one name, as the presence; the mental presence that you have. What are you thinking of? What are you focusing on? How are you directing the energy by relaxing this part of your body and shifting it to this part of your body?

That’s the mental presence, which is probably the longest learning curve of tantra. And why , you know, we hear stories about the yogis who can lower their heart rate or how… like I was talking with one of my clients, he lives in Dallas but he’s an Indian guy who’s complaining to me that he can’t last more than six hours.

Francesca Gentille: [laughs]

Somraj Pokras: And I’m going, “My God, you’ve got to write a testimonial for me for this.”  He says, “Yeah, but I get to this point to where it’s just too much, you know.” I went, “Boy, I wish, I wish that everybody had your secret.” You know, he’s just practiced these things for years. And he’s a meditater. He can relax his body and get his mind into the place where he wants it. So, I think he’s doing great. I think he accepted that compliment from me. [laughs]

Francesca Gentille: Oh, absolutely. I’m guessing, I just want to check in, that we’re talking about that meditative mind. That’s how I experience it in my own body. When I start to notice my thoughts and then just kind of let them go, notice them and let them go. Don’t attach to my thoughts, don’t follow them. You know, “Did I lock the car or not lock the car?” You know, “Did I take the, you know, laundry out of the dryer?” It’s just notice that and let it go. Just come back to noticing my body, noticing how my vulva is feeling. Go to say, how the sweat of my partner feels against my belly… noticing their eyes and just noticing coming back into… noticing my own senses. Is that the kind of mind that we’re talking about in presence or is there something else?

Somraj Pokras: No, that’s absolutely right. That’s… you understand tundra. It’s very clear the way you talk about being in your body, opening your senses, feeling everything, but being relaxed; not being consumed with thoughts. Why tantra sex could be called “Sexual Meditation”.

Francesca Gentille: Ah, yes. Now that’s a spiritual practice we can all get in to. [laughs]
Somraj Pokras: You did it. You did it. And really that, you might say, that’s the key to male multiple orgasm; is you get into this calm, relaxed, meditative state where you feel the energy coursing through your body. Because you’ve relaxed and you’ve heightened your awareness… those are the first two steps of my six-step process.

And I promised the… one of the fundamental tips from modern sexologists…  for your listeners which is measuring your level of arousal. Unless you’re relaxed and aware of what’s going on in your body, you can’t do this step. So, that’s why it’s step three.

Yeah, you can use a 10-point scale, that’s pretty common amongst modern scientists. And we like to call in this work 9.9 is the point of no return. When you’re teetering on the edge of the cliff and you can see ejaculating, spraying over the edge of the cliff and you can’t stop falling. That’s 9.9. 10 is when you actually come.

Francesca Gentille: Yes.

Somraj Pokras:  And so what might the exercises… I was a corporate trainer, so everything in my tantra books and my business books course, too, are step-by-step exercises. So, I teach guys to raise their energy level, raise their excitement up to, let’s say a 7, and then back off down to 3 on the scale. Do that a half a dozen times.

Now let’s play a little more with fire and go to 8 on the scale of 10. Get so turned on that you’re feeling… and everybody’s got their own scale, that’s part of the exercise is “What’s a 5 for me?” We all know what a zero is, we all know what a 10 is, but let’s define the numbers in between. So, a 7, 8 and then a 9… which is getting really close to coming… these are very important things for a guy to learn.

And, of course, if his voice is open and he’s willing to talk and he’s comfortable. He can say, “Oh, honey, I’m at a 9, slow down.” Or he knows, of course to slow down.  So we practice going to 7, going to 8, going to 9 a number of times in a number of different ways to develop that skill.

Once you have the relaxation and the awareness, now you start to develop a mastery to channel energy that comes from these. I call them the measuring step of the male multiple orgasm process.

Francesca Gentille: The measure step?

Somraj Pokras: Measuring; learning to measure your turn –on.

Francesca Gentille: Yeah, the scale that we were just talking about is to measure. So when I get… when I’m aware of my own measure as a man, then I can start to choose where I’m going to be on it. Whether I want to ratchet it up or turn it down.

Somraj Pokras: Right.

Francesca Gentille:  And we… and then that is done through that, you know, snake-like undulating movement. The sound, where I’m focusing my mind and my awareness, then becomes a part of how I either raise or lower, lower that sense of arousal.

Somraj Pokras: That’s what the exercises are all about, right.

Francesca Gentille: And, what is an exercise that someone can do at home? Something that they can maybe just start to practice that would have them notice a difference.

Somraj Pokras: I think this measuring stuff is a good way for a guy to start practicing solo. I mean you can do it with your partner as well, but a guy who’s sensitive and wants to last longer, self-pleasure… that’s our tantra name for masturbation, of course, because we think it’s giving yourself a really wonderful state of being… is do the exercise that takes you up to a 6 and then slow down through your breath, slowing down, even stopping pleasuring yourself. Go up to a 7, go up to an 8, go up to a 9. And once you kind of get the hang of it, or should I say the handle of the situation…

Francesca Gentille: [laughs]

Somraj Pokras: … then guys can start practicing even with a finer… you know, “Can I go to 9.5? What’s that?”  What’s 9.8; the finest hair just before the edge.  Now, from practicing this for years, I’ve gotten to the point where I can get up, up above 9 and I can say to my crash, “Relax.” Now if my honey is going faster when I want to go slower, hey, I can go over the edge, too. I’m a sensitive guy and I love being sensitive.

Francesca Gentille: [laughter]

Somraj Pokras: So, there is a later stage in the book where you have to start synchronizing your voice, your communication and of course, your body language… you’re non-verbal sensing of each other, so where… you know where each is at on that scale.

Francesca Gentille: Mm hmm.

Somraj Pokras: You know in tantra we don’t push for the big “O”, we don’t want to come quickly.

Francesca Gentille: Take our time, enjoy the process and, and keep going for the connection. So, we are out of time. Suddenly it goes so fast.  And… but, I want to thank you for being in this journey.

Somraj Pokras: Thank you.

Francesca Gentille: And thank you all for joining us at Sex Tantra and Kama Sutra. You can get transcripts of this show; get more information about listening at www.personallifemedia.com. That’s www.personallifemedia.com. Thank you for being with us today on Sex Tantra and Kama Sutra bringing you the Soul of Sex.

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