Here’s a story about my girlfriend, Lauren.
She’s the woman who couldn’t stomach the idea of getting married and finding herself in a platonic, sexless marriage down the road. She’s 34 and wants to marry and start a family.
When Lauren read my book, The Sexual Soulmate Pact, she knew she’d found her answer.
She felt confident she could avoid the sex-starved fate to which she saw her friends resign themselves. She didn’t want sex to become less of a priority because she had children.
To her, it looked like her friends had resigned themselves to a relationship that did not fulfill them intimately.
She wondered why they would sacrifice such an essential part of who they are, their sexuality, for the security of marriage.
At the same time, she understood that priorities change when kids enter the picture, a husband starts to look more like a provider than a lover, and a woman allows her libido to crash as she focuses all her attention on being a mother. It takes a LOT of attention to be a mom, that is FOR SURE.
Click Here To Download The Sexual Soulmate Pact ⇐ The Two-Word Phrase That Ignites Passionate Lovemaking
SAY NO TO A SEXLESS MARRIAGE
Lauren was determined this would not happen to her. She was unwilling to be one of those women who became bored to death with married sex.
She had already gone through the process I walked you through in my popular book, Relationship Magic. She identified her top four relationship values and what her partner could do to support those values and make her happy.
To her surprise, PASSION was at the top of her list of core values.
Lack of passion was a deal-breaker for her. She knew well enough that she would never be happy in a relationship that didn’t include great sex regularly.
She’d rather stay single than end up in a sexless marriage.
She was so clear that when she read about feedback loops in Sexual Soulmates, it made perfect sense.
She knew she’d found the answer and decided that before she became intimate with a man she was dating, she would talk with him about feedback loops.
Once she decided to have sex with a man, she would say something: “There’s something I’d like to do when we’re making love that makes me feel comfortable and much more turned on. Can I tell you about it?”
Like most women, Lauren had always found giving a guy feedback during lovemaking difficult.
She didn’t want to put the man off by giving directions or making him feel like he was doing something wrong.
So she’d just endure whatever he was doing in hopes he would be able to “read her mind” or tune into her body language when she pulled away or shifted position.
At the same time, she knew these subtle cues rarely worked. But she didn’t have an alternative–until she decided to give feedback loops a whirl.
Understanding why you must talk to a man about feedback loops before you head for the bedroom is essential. Bottom line: it’s all in the setup.
You want to get him on board with the plan before you start to get it on.
If you wait until his cock is hard, you might as well put the conversation on hold and endure one more session of ho-hum sex.
This conversation is best had when he’s not turned on and has full use of his reasoning ability, which will take a back seat once his sex drive shifts into high gear.
I’ll say it again: You must set this up ahead of time!
- First, explain that you want to be so comfortable and relaxed that you can fully surrender to him.
- Tell him you love being ravished.
- Then explain that a woman’s arousal is changeable day-to-day and that you don’t always know what you want until things get heated up. And because you know how excited it makes him see you turned on, you want to be able to give him feedback. Simple as that.
- Explain that you need to stay in your pleasure brain and not go into your managerial brain to give him feedback. You don’t want to manage him; you just need to stay in touch with your turn-on without censoring or figuring out how to say it “just right.”
- She explained that her feedback is essentially a “report” from the animal of her body. And that women can only do it moment-to-moment.
- Then ask him if he’s willing to try it. You must give him a choice.
- Reassure him that your feedback is not intended to suggest that he’s doing something wrong.
It’s just that the animal of your body wants something different today, and you don’t want him to have to guess.
Most guys will be completely down for it and welcome the feedback… at least in theory.
Men generally want to know how well they’re doing and how they can turn you on better.
But most women feel the same way Lauren does and hold back so as not to hurt a man’s ego.
In other words, she puts his needs before hers.
At least that’s her rationale for not speaking up and asking for what she wants, even when it’s different today than it was yesterday or the day before.
The feedback loop is a full circle when a man acknowledges that he heard what you said and is happy to adjust.
He can say, “Okay, baby,” or simply, “Got it.” I like it when my husband says merely, “Thank you.” I feel appreciated for taking the risk to tell him what my body wants, which increases his turn-on and puts us on that upward pleasure spiral.
Keep the feedback loop open, and you start to hone your communication.
It won’t take long before he starts connecting the dots between your body language and animal desires.
At that point, your libido will rise from the dead, and you might start wanting sex daily (We know how guys love that!). Making love will become a source of great pleasure for both of you.
That’s how sex is supposed to be when you flip the switch with my six essentials for wild, passionate sex thoroughly mapped out for you in Sexual Soulmates.
Click Here To Download The Sexual Soulmate Pact ⇐ The Two-Word Phrase That Ignites Passionate Lovemaking
One Response
Hopefully one day I will get my ex fiance Renee back, so I can try all the stuff I have read, because I want to have a wonderful relationship and sex life with the most smart and beautiful woman I have ever had a relationship with.
I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her, God bless, Thank you, JW