Here’s a letter from Mike about his wife’s numbness. She gets to the edge but can’t explode into orgasm.
“Susan, I have a physiological question. Is it possible to have a “dead” clitoris? One that seems to have no sensitivity to any stimulation? If so, what would cause it?
We’ve been married 21 years. She used to be very orgasmic, especially with oral or vibrator stimulation.
For example, this morning I spent an hour just kissing, lightly using my lips to caress her whole southern region. Her lower lips were plump, somewhat engorged, but the clit, seemed totally unresponsive.
Now either orally or with a vibrator there is no… finishing or going over the edge. Every once in awhile she gets to the edge, but can’t explode to orgasm. I’ve tried creams and solutions to add sensitivity, but to no avail.
To me it seems no matter how much prep or foreplay, or how much she is enjoying it, the clit seems dead and unresponsive to finish with an orgasm.
I would buy your entire course because I love intimacy, sex, with my wife. To me she has been beautiful in the buff for over 20 yrs. I treasure every second I lay next to her warm body at night. There has not been one night in 20 years I have not held or caressed her and held her close. She freely opens herself to my touch and attention. Our frustration has been the lack of her being able to reach an orgasm.” — Mike
Hi Mike,
It would be a highly unusual anomaly for a woman to have a “dead” clitoris. It’s likely an emotional issue that’s causing the block.
It’s 99% likely that it’s mental. Especially because she USED to be able to.
I’d suggest you actually make sure she’s happy in her general relationship with you.
Often there is some anger, resentment or needs not getting met and she’s harboring frustration about something.
Go through the Relationship Values workbook together and really ask her to be completely honest with you and hold nothing back.
Often women are not even aware that they are mad or upset until you bring it to the surface with this exercise.
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In addition, try giving her a long, leisurely pussy massage and spend time working your way into her vaginal canal with your finger slowly. Reach the ceiling just inside the entrance to her vagina and slowly palpate that area. Sometimes there will be trapped emotions in that G-Area tissue.
Another thing you can do is make sure you are kissing and playing with her breasts and nipples a lot before you give her the pussy massage. And then during the massage, reach up and stimulate her nipples too.
You can also tell her a sexy story while you’re giving her a pussy massage.
This will help turn her on and make it easier for her to come.
I suggest you get the Steamy Sex Ed Video® Collection now while it’s on sale. Follow along with the pussy massage video. The techniques demonstrated there go much farther than anything you can think up yourself. The Building Sexual Trusty for Orgasmic Ecstasy is a DVD on genital massage for women. It comes with the collection of eight videos. You can get DVDs or Digital or both.
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Between clearing the air of any resentments or upsets, bringing verbal fantasy to your genital massage and doing the Steamy strokes, it’s very likely she will be able to achieve orgasm.
Get her to give you feedback about what feels good. And tell her not to worry. She will get her groove back!
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One Response
This happened to me too. It is not emotional. I can still orgasm sometimes, but my clitoris won’t engorge anymore. Also, it has lost that reflex, the reflex where it responds when it feels touch.
This is the loss of a lifetime, right up there with other deaths. My clitoris has always gotten e gorged and climaxed once or twice a week, at least. But now, without the clitoral excitement, I have very little incentive to even try. I still do try, and earlier in the morning it works better.
I’ve tried all the things, celery, amber perfume, oysters, nuts, zinc, etc… They DO help.
But even when I climax, sometimes it is like there is a thick buffer between the climax and my actual sensation. At times, I can’t climax. Mostly, though, I have no once five to get started. What I start is easily lost. It just can’t stay engorged very well. It reminds me of beating (very tenderly of course) a dead horse. Once in a while, I function alright, but overall, it is like a switch went out in the clit.
I still get vaginal arousal, but anyhow…
Sometimes I try to climax really fast with the smuttiest fantasies, or look at online porn. Because I can climax. I just can’t seem to get the clit to engorge and stay engorged.
I am 50, have had PCOS forever, and have reached menopausal “atrophy” with a little prolapse. Sexual dysfunction is ruining my life. When the atrophy started, I felt I lost my humanity. And now, to lose reflex in the clit. I will be asexual, a travesty.
P.S. Treating it much more gently than usual has helped, like going 80% lighter with touch.