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Why doesn’t she initiate sex?

“I think most women relinquish all sexual responsibilities to the male in relationships!” Here’s how to keep your woman coming.

This Facebook post reminded me of a familiar man/woman conundrum.

One of the most common complaints I hear from men is, “How come she isn’t more affectionate, and why doesn’t she initiate sex?” “Why do I always have to be the one to suggest we make love?”

One of the most common complaints I hear from women is, “How can I get him to take the lead sexually… to have a “bedroom game plan”… have him give me all kinds of orgasmic pleasure?”

Here’s what’s going on, Honey. (scroll down)

THE MASCULINE-FEMININE DYNAMIC

Depending on where you are on the scale of masculine to feminine at any given moment impacts your needs.

Sometimes, the feminine wants to take charge, and sometimes, she wants to surrender.

Sometimes, the masculine wants to be nurtured and appreciated; sometimes, he enjoys tremendous benefits from being “the rock.”

If you remember that we all embody a wide range of masculine and feminine feelings and desires, you can have an agreement with your partner stating that you’ll ask for what you need at the moment.

If you need to rage and simply want a witness…

If you’re feeling cocky and you want to take charge…

Make it OK, and encourage yourself and your partner to be what IS in each moment.

Ask for what you need.

Let’s talk about initiating sex.

If you want to be wanted instead of chasing but are afraid that if you leave it up to your partner to initiate sex, it won’t happen. 

Try THIS. 

Lower your expectations from SEX—as in intercourse—to intimacy.

Physiologically, the masculine and feminine are different creatures. To the woman, the idea of intercourse is a BIG ASK. For a man, it’s not. He is penetrating. She is being penetrated. They’re very different experiences.

So what if the man asks his woman to “find three instances this week where you take the lead on being affectionate.” (And no, asking for a blow job is too much!)

Give her three examples of what you’d enjoy:

“Come to bed naked, get on top of me, rub yourself all over me, and kiss my face. Allow me to feel your body with my hands.”

“Take a shower together and soap each other up, then rinse and pat each other dry with towels.”

“Spoon me before we get up in the morning.”

“Tell me I’m handsome to you.”

“Pet me, scratch my back, or tickle me the way I like when we’re watching TV.”

If he can receive these affections without trying to turn them into sex, she will start feeling safe enough to be more affectionate more often.

Then, the simple fact that her being affectionate will increase her desire for sex with him over time.

The guy has to fight against his instincts, which want the BIG prize immediately… by slowing down, he gets more affection and ultimately more sex.

Maintaining himself makes her trust him more… that he does love affection and is not always just trying to get sex.

WHAT ABOUT HER DESIRE TO BE LEAD?

For a guy to have the skills to run the bedroom experience well enough for her to surrender to him, she has to feel secure in his ability to keep her sexual energy high… he has to know how to give her multiple orgasms over some time.

Women often push for quickies because they don’t feel he has the skills to provide enough pleasure… her sexual energy drops because he drops the ball, and she doesn’t want to expend the energy to keep it going. She just wants to stop.

If he demonstrates his desire for her, is verbal about how sexually irresistible she is to him, and has a good supply of communication skills and orgasm techniques, he can carry the experience well enough to allow herself to take her pleasure.

In this video, I talk about:

• What to do when what he’s doing doesn’t seem to “feel good” or her sexual energy drops.

• How to use the clitoral sensitivity from her first orgasm as ammo for her subsequent orgasms – even if she’s been a “one-and-done” comer before now.

• What to do when she can’t feel his strokes or penis inside her.

• How he can have confidence in the heat of the moment to keep her moving toward peak after peak (and even how to tell if she’s faking orgasm).

• What’s most important is if he understands her refractory periods, her climactic curve, and her erotic map so he can show her what her body is capable of.

• Really, what he’s doing is overriding any of her sexual inhibitions with PURE PLEASURE. This much pleasure turns the struggling girl looking to eke out one measly orgasm into a massively hedonistic experience in bed with him.

This is a HOT video.

After having private discussions with men and women about their sex life desires for a decade, I recorded it. I understand what men need to know to give women the desired pleasure.

Even with our cultural overrides, we are still – deep in our physiologies – masculine and feminine.

You can’t fight city hall. 

You have to know that generally, men lead, and women follow. 

And even if sometimes it goes the other way… and you can ask for what you need from your partner at the moment… nothing replaces the deep desire for a man to give his woman incredible pleasure… the kind of pleasure that means she’ll never leave you. She will want you regularly for sex.

Hey, it can be challenging.

Tons of crap get in the way of us loving each other fully.

But adding to your skills—communication skills and orgasm techniques—both for men and women is the answer to having more pleasure together.

Keep Her Coming ⇐ Multiple Orgasm Techniques You Can Try Tonight

All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The statements made within this email/website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These statements and the products of this company are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek consultation from your doctor.

2 Responses

  1. Initiate Sex? My wife? It just doesn’t happen, and when I do, it’s the same boring thing ever single time. Plays with me a little bit only, then she wants me inside her. There’s no oral (ever), she doesn’t like her breasts touched or nibbled on (ever). Since this is what I expect every time, I’m no longer interested in any kind of sex with her at all. She doesn’t even cause me to get an erection. Why? Because I think about what she’ll do, and that’s nothing!!
    I’m starting to look for a friend with benefits. I’ve tried everything,but as of now, it won’t happen anyway. She’s way overweight and I can’t even look at her naked anymore without making me mildly ill. What do I do then? Find a sex buddy. if I don’t, my penis will turn into a little bump. Like they say, use it or lose it and I’m not gonna lose it.

    Keith

    1. Keith,
      I’m sorry about your situation. It it always a sad state when a partner lets themselves go. But you have to bring your compassion to problem. Your wife is probably very miserable and feels alone. She likely misses the affection. She may have been abused or her family or church shamed her about sex.
      Don’t be mad. Feel empathy for how it must be for her too.
      And you have to TELL HER how you feel.
      Instead of cheating on her, you have to have her help you figure out what would work for both of you.
      There are a lot of couples who can navigate one of the couple having a lover.
      The one thing I insist on is that you man up and deal directly with your needs in a totally honest way.
      Even if she has a fit, blows up on you, stonewalls you, threatens divorce… just remember, she is sad and scared too. And she goes without the benefit of intimacy.
      So please talk to her and write me back and let me know what the results of your honesty are.
      Keep The Faith,
      Susan
      P.S. You are right. You will lose it if you don’t use it. And no one has the right to make their partner squander their sexuality. Think about if one of you had an illness. What would be a solution if that were so? Think about your wife’s sexual estrangement as a result of trauma she’s experienced. Her weight issues are just all a part of that…

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