Reviving Your Wife’s Sex Drive
“She shuts down and won’t talk about sex.”
Here is an email from Evan where he’s struggling to get his wife to discuss the fact that they go for months without sex. This is EXTREMELY common and the answers might help you too…
I want my wife to open up to me, but it deflates my motivation even trying to get her to talk to me. Anything that goes against the way she thinks is always met with a firm resistance.
I feel like she believes that there is nothing to be resolved or that the issue of no sex has nothing to do with me, or some how I have over reacted to her verbal assault.
I have changed and varied my approach, tried to just listen, or walk away after asking for an opportunity to follow up later. It always seems things are my fault. After letting some time pass I attempt to bring it up again, and get met with how I am accusing her about her tone and cadence with the issue.
She turns it into how she cannot do anything right, so she just shuts down. She says,”I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t,” and that her needs do not matter.
I am just so lost. I am currently in a 4 month drought after twice in a week, and the previous drought lasted 54 weeks.
I realize I must change and lead, but it seems every time I zig she purposely zags to avoid any connection.
I would be honored if you replied.
First of all, I’m sorry that you are in this situation, but the good news is that you can steer clear out of this and you can get your wife to want to have frequent, passionate sex with you again.
Here’s what’s going on and what you need to do.
Your wife is using stonewalling tactics to avoid confrontation.
This is a very classic avoidance strategy and it’s really effective as you can see!
The bottom line is that your wife is AFRAID. She’s upset and fearful. That’s why she is putting you off.
It is likely that sex is unfulfilling for her and she sees it as a duty.
You’re in a double bind because she won’t talk and she doesn’t want to have sex because it’s not fun for her.
How can you make it better if she won’t do it? How can you resolve these issues if she won’t talk to you?
You have to force the issue.
No matter how much she stomps around, screams, shuts down, and tries EVERY trick in the book to make you stop bringing up the subject of intimacy, you must remain stable, solid and keep working to engage her. You have to withstand her hurricane of emotions.
Remember that it’s NOT about you. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve done the best you can the whole time. And so has she.
There’s a rats nest of beliefs she’s got in her head -fueled by our crazy culture, potentially by her religious upbringing, potentially by the lack of love and attachment bonding she got as a child, sexual trauma in her past, illness of some kind in her body, the fact that she’s grown bored of having sex with you… you can’t know what all the reasons are that she’s running away from intimacy with you —and she doesn’t even know herself at this point. That’s part of what is fueling the fear and her behavior.
But that is what you must unearth and discover. Not by confrontation, but by consistent asking and listening. If you give up, you are literally giving up your sex life for the rest of your married life. Because it’s NOT going to get any better, it’s going to be 54 years not months of no sex.
When you hold her and coax out what her fears are, she will feel your masculinity. Assure her that she can tell you anything. Keep pulling it out of her. It’s likely that whatever is holding her back is a combination of fears and issues.
The last thing she will admit is boredom, but you can pretty much count on that being an issue for her as it is for most women —we require that “new relationship energy” to get sexually excited and when that wanes after a few months or years it’s HARD to get turned on again.
That’s why inside Revive Her Drive I explain how you have to romance her FIRST, then get her body turned on again before using the seduction strategies in the program.
Watch The Excellent Video <== How To Revive Your Wife’s Sex Drive (PROVEN Formula)
So for you, start with talking while you’re holding her. Touching and holding her will keep her more calm. Prevent her from running away. If she blows up, just keep your calm. Tell her you can’t go on like it has been —insist that communication lines start opening.
Keep asking and asking and don’t let her avoid you. If you don’t handle this now it will only get worse. Put on your Teflon and get in there! You can do this! Remember she is just scared. You are her man. Help her have the kind of intimacy and romance you BOTH deserve.
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