5 Ways To Have More Sexual Self-Confidence
Because of the work I do, I have intimate conversations with thousands of men and women about their sex lives. We talk about their wives and girlfriend’s behaviors and motivations, about sexual anatomy and techniques, about relationships from one-night stands with cougars to partners who’ve been married for 50 years to their first and only love, and about anything and everything regarding their genitalia.
I am blessed…
Blessed to have this level of confidential interaction into the most personal aspect of peoples lives. Blessed to have this kind of trust with so many people who only know me through our online programs, emails and blog articles.
I am impressed time and time again by the quality of intimate love men feel for their women, how caring and concerned men are to please their lovers and how much they truly delight in their partner’s bodies, no matter how many years have gone by.
I am equally saddened time and time again by the lack of sexual confidence men feel in their interactions with their partners. Fear and shame destroy their ability to achieve the passion and connection to their lover they so desire. Fear and shame and the ignorance created by bad family modeling, societal opression and religious guilt and by the dumbed-down oversimplification and outright inaccurate sexual information conveyed by TV, the movies and the media at large. Three cheers for bloggers who have taken into their own hands the ability to share what’s real for them sexually to create a deeper dialog in the undercurrent of our societal conversation.
So much is stacked against a man who truly wants to have the latest information about how to connect lovingly, erotically and in a state of ONEness with his lover. But for those men whose personal life journey requires he gain this knowledge… Those men will find their way to honest, contemporary, female-positive information like ours and so many others including Sherri Winston, Reid Mihalko, the OneTaste, Welcomed Consensus and More University communities, Jaiya and so many of the local AASECT therapists and counselors who spend their days teaching humans how to own an important part of their humanity… Their Sexuality.
By being here right now, reading this article, you are one of a small percentage of people who actively educate themselves by seeking wisdom, advice and connection to others. For that I thank you and commend you. I celebrate you for being an eager learner and for continuing your personal growth. Because personal growth isn’t just about your life purpose or the work you do in the world, personal growth is often forged in the crucible of relationships. How you are with others… How you are with yourself… These are personal relationships that push you to become a better, more loving, more heart-centered and compassionate person.
Because of these intimate conversations I have nearly every day of my life except when I’m “off the grid,” I get a lot of inbound information, a lot of data points, a purview across a wide range of men throughout the world. What I’m about to tell you is not from survey data, for that, read “The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples And What They Reveal About Creating A New Normal In Your Relationship” by Chrisanna Northrup, who surveyed 100,000 people to ask them about Getting, Living and Staying Together. A good read — though the way they interpreted the data comes from where there are in their own sexual and personal growth based on fairly limited and middle-of-the-road perspectives.
What I’m going to tell you, like everyone, comes from the patterns I see in the input I get and the experiences I’ve had: Intimate personal stories from thousands of men, over the course of years wherein they pour their hearts out and ask the questions of us they are too embarrassed or ashamed to ask anyone else.
And here’s what I’ve noticed…
Most of the pain, struggle, unmet desire and lack of connection stems from too little self-confidence. The need for more self-confidence is at the root of nearly every sexual issue.
So how do you get more sexual self-confidence?
These are the 5 most powerful ways to increase your sexual self-confidence.
Become aware of when you are feeling insecure and look for the underlying reason why and address that fear or shame or lack of knowledge head on.
Study human sexuality and learn how it works physically, emotionally and spiritually. Learn anatomy, technique, relationship advice and how to connect with another human through passion and rapture.
3. Evoke your Masculinity or Femininity.
When you cultivate your masculine energy as a man or your feminine energy as a woman, you naturally feel more sensually connected to yourself and become more appealing to others. Become that Alpha Male, ready to protect and provide for your woman. Let go into your Goddess nature for your man and show him your womanliness. This polarity feeds off itself to give you more confidence as a man or as a woman.
Have more sex.
If you’re single, have SAFE sex with more partners to gain experience making sure you are completely up front with each lover about your sexual history, your current and recent partners and get tested regularly and use safe sex best practices. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, have more sex and experiment with a variety of practices. Use “Sandbox Dates” to learn new things together. If you need some excellent, sweet ideas for Sandbox Dates, there are 21 erotic play dates in Expand Her Orgasm Tonight that you can start with that teach you the fundamentals of orgasmic expansion and peaking as well as touching for rapture and many other foundations of sexual knowledge.
The most important aspect of practice is to “begin as a beginner.” Don’t expect to have answers, just work on questions. Open yourselves to imperfection, trial and error, practice and mastery.
5. Positive Self-Talk and Sexual Leadership
Get out of your negative self-talk and be sweet and forgiving and loving to yourself as you stumble and learn and increase your skills. Nobody knows how to have great sex until they try and learn. Why do you think you should already KNOW? Learn and lead your woman and be gentle and encouraging to yourself and to her. The best process I’ve ever encountered and the one I use myself is the model from Dr. Patti called, “The 4 Keys to Seduction.” If you want to know how to confidently grow your sexual experience with your partner, learn this easy model that will drive your win rate and confidence through the roof.